Could I have some advice please?

[wildchild554]

Hi, I need some advice I have tried contacting Winstons wish again but the helpline is closed and this can't wait and really need advice. My dad is dying he is likely to pass tomorrow or Monday. I have a 9 year old who is autistic and emotionally at the level of a 3-5 year old and a 10 year old who is under-diagnosis for autism and at the level of a 6-7 year old. I have explained what is going on and tried to prepare them but haven't told them about this part. Originally he was given a time frame of 3 months but rapidly detiorated so in reality had very little time to prepare them and has taken a few weeks for him to get to this stage. I have explained what death is and been very literal as is needed with autistic children but they still think he will get better so won't hit till he actually passes. Thay are very close with their grandad. My youngest doesn't cope well with death and gets very violent, his aggression levels are already up. I have a plan to pick my eldest up from school and tell him first so I can comfort him and take him to my close friends where he can stay overnight if needs be. Then pick up my youngest, bring him and tell him so am ready to restrain him to stop him himself and me and then to help him regulate when we get to the point he's calm enough to have a chance to do so. But school seem keen that they should go straight back in after when I know they won't cope well with that. Have already experienced what happens after a death that's why have planned so carefully how I tell them. Have spoke to winstons wish before and all the preparation they said was fine and have done it the right way and said to call back as urgent but obviously I can't due to when he's gone in and when he will pass. I don't know what to do I was planning on keeping them off for a week to give them time to grieve and and adjust. I can't find a bereavement policy but school seems to think they can go straight back in despite knowing how close they are to their grandad and how they will react. I have the other part with my youngest sons aggression levels will be even higher then and I don't want another child getting hurt because he can't cope, I can manage it at home and intervene to help him regulate but with so many kids at school and it being a place he struggles anyway they have no chance. I don't want the guilt of another child being hurt on top. Do I put my foot down and keep them off for that first week as planned or what? Winston's wish has said with my youngest especially wouldn't be a good idea him going straight back at that point and when he does go back may need to start off with half days. But that they could need longer. Can there be any repercussions for keeping them off for a week? I want to do whats right for them but worried about repercussions. Can't understand why school think they can be told and then be absolutely fine to go straight back in?

[NoSquirrels]

I’m so sorry, that’s so hard for you. What a worry on top of your own emotions.

In this instance, you know your children best and I think you should stick to your plans. Don’t feel pressured. Take it day by day.

I think anyone bereaved should take it day by day, so try not to worry about school.

The only repercussions are on their attendance records, and whatever schooling they might miss. None of that is likely to be a big problem.

Sending you strength.

[Motheranddaughtertotwo]

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Do what you think is best and follow their lead, don’t worry about repercussions from the school. I’ve been teaching for 20 years and have never heard of anyone getting trouble for keeping off a grieving child. They may surprise you and deal with it better than you anticipate in which case take them. But don’t feel pressured into anything, do what you think is best.

[Candleabra]

Do what you need to. If the school say anything then push back on them about a bereavement policy too, so few schools have them. My kids school were terrible beyond belief after their dad died, even showing up my youngest in class for missing homework set on the day of her fathers funeral.
You know your child best. I’m so sorry about your dad.