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Bereavement

What was the poem/writing where after a death to take your time

10 replies

Whenisthisgoingtoend · 19/04/2022 20:41

We lost my lovely SIL today, her DH is obviously stunned as are we all.
I remember a short story/poem about going slow not rushing through all the do dos straight after a death.
Can anyone help me find it please.
Appreciate the help.

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Charleymouse · 20/04/2022 23:03

Was it this thread
Couldn't wok out how to link but if this is it you should be able to find it.
Sorry for your loss

What was the poem/writing where after a death to take your time
What was the poem/writing where after a death to take your time
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Soresoresore · 20/04/2022 23:19

I hope you find it OP

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Soresoresore · 20/04/2022 23:26

My favourite (and most frequently heard) poem. Not what you’re looking for but I like all of it apart from the first verse.

Death is nothing at all. 
It does not count. 
I have only slipped away into the next room. 
Nothing has happened. 

Everything remains exactly as it was. 
I am I, and you are you, 
and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged. 
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still. 

Call me by the old familiar name. 
Speak of me in the easy way which you always used. 
Put no difference into your tone. 
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. 

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. 
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. 
Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it. 

Life means all that it ever meant. 
It is the same as it ever was. 
There is absolute and unbroken continuity. 
What is this death but a negligible accident? 

Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? 
I am but waiting for you, for an interval, 
somewhere very near, 
just round the corner. 

All is well. 
Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost. 
One brief moment and all will be as it was before. 
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!

Source: www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/death-is-nothing-at-all-by-henry-scott-holland

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tararabumdeay · 20/04/2022 23:29

Brian Pattern

So Many Different Lengths of Time

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mice · 20/04/2022 23:38

Walking with Grief -- A Celtic Prayer


Do not hurry as you walk with grief
It does not help the journey

Walk slowly, pausing often

Do not hurry as you walk with grief
Be not disturbed by memories
that come unbidden
Swiftly forgive and let
Unspoken words, unfinished conversations
be resolved in your memories

Be not disturbed
Be gentle with the one who walks with grief

If it is you, be gentle with yourself
Swiftly forgive, walk slowly,
Pause often,
Take time

Be gentle as you walk with grief

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OstrichFeathers · 20/04/2022 23:45

Charleymouse · 20/04/2022 23:03

Was it this thread
Couldn't wok out how to link but if this is it you should be able to find it.
Sorry for your loss

I think this is the thread www.mumsnet.com/talk/bereavement/4454556-i-am-going-to-lose-mum-soon-next-few-hours, second post by @Hugasauras Is really lovely.

Sympathies to you and your family, Whenisthisgoingtoend

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Whenisthisgoingtoend · 21/04/2022 08:19

@Charleymouse and @OstrichFeathers that it is thank you so much.
Ostrich the link doesn’t seem to work.
I will have a look for it it now.

Thank you all 🌺

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Emptyandsad · 22/04/2022 00:19

mice · 20/04/2022 23:38

Walking with Grief -- A Celtic Prayer


Do not hurry as you walk with grief
It does not help the journey

Walk slowly, pausing often

Do not hurry as you walk with grief
Be not disturbed by memories
that come unbidden
Swiftly forgive and let
Unspoken words, unfinished conversations
be resolved in your memories

Be not disturbed
Be gentle with the one who walks with grief

If it is you, be gentle with yourself
Swiftly forgive, walk slowly,
Pause often,
Take time

Be gentle as you walk with grief

Thank you for this, @mice; That's a beautiful poem and so true.

The poem that touched me when my wife died was by Tony Harrison:

Though my mother was already two years dead
Dad kept her slippers warming by the gas,
put hot water bottles her side of the bed
and still went to renew her transport pass.

You couldn't just drop in. You had to phone.
He'd put you off an hour to give him time
to clear away her things and look alone
as though his still raw love were such a crime.

He couldn't risk my blight of disbelief
though sure that very soon he'd hear her key
scrape in the rusted lock and end his grief.
He knew she'd just popped out to get the tea.

I believe life ends with death, and that is all.
You haven't both gone shopping; just the same,
in my new black leather phone book there's your name
and the disconnected number I still call.

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Whenisthisgoingtoend · 22/04/2022 08:35

I found it. Thank you so much.

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TheVillageShop · 25/04/2022 17:26

I think this is it - I saved it.

'Expected Death ~ When someone dies, the first thing to do is nothing. Don't run out and call the nurse. Don't pick up the phone. Take a deep breath and be present to the magnitude of the moment.

There's a grace to being at the bedside of someone you love as they make their transition out of this world. At the moment they take their last breath, there's an incredible sacredness in the space. The veil between the worlds opens.

We're so unprepared and untrained in how to deal with death that sometimes a kind of panic response kicks in. "They're dead!"

We knew they were going to die, so their being dead is not a surprise. It's not a problem to be solved. It's very sad, but it's not cause to panic.

If anything, their death is cause to take a deep breath, to stop, and be really present to what's happening. If you're at home, maybe put on the kettle and make a cup of tea.

Sit at the bedside and just be present to the experience in the room. What's happening for you? What might be happening for them? What other presences are here that might be supporting them on their way? Tune into all the beauty and magic.

Pausing gives your soul a chance to adjust, because no matter how prepared we are, a death is still a shock. If we kick right into "do" mode, and call 999, or call the hospice, we never get a chance to absorb the enormity of the event.

Give yourself five minutes or 10 minutes, or 15 minutes just to be. You'll never get that time back again if you don't take it now.

After that, do the smallest thing you can. Call the one person who needs to be called. Engage whatever systems need to be engaged, but engage them at the very most minimal level. Move really, really, really, slowly, because this is a period where it's easy for body and soul to get separated.

Our bodies can gallop forwards, but sometimes our souls haven't caught up. If you have an opportunity to be quiet and be present, take it. Accept and acclimatize and adjust to what's happening. Then, as the train starts rolling, and all the things that happen after a death kick in, you'll be better prepared.

You won't get a chance to catch your breath later on. You need to do it now.

Being present in the moments after death is an incredible gift to yourself, it's a gift to the people you're with, and it's a gift to the person who's just died. They're just a hair's breadth away. They're just starting their new journey in the world without a body. If you keep a calm space around their body, and in the room, they're launched in a more beautiful way. It's a service to both sides of the veil.'

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