My baby's funeral is tomorrow

[JunieS]

And I'm here trying to figure out how does one find strength to go through it.

Born at 22 +6, she was too small to make it. This was a month ago (thank you everyone who send some kind words my way, it meant more that I can say). I know I'm not the first person to go through this and sadly won't be the last. That life goes on and we go through it if only because there's no other way but forwards.

I'm terribly tempted not to attend. To have my baby put in front of me in a coffin, when she should be still inside me...I don't know if I can bear it. We said our goodbyes at the hospital, but my husband needs this closure. I fear this will just set me back (I've been having PSTD flashbacks and other stuff since it happened, now a bit better), but will I regret it in the future, not being there? I don't know. I'm having a hard time sorting my thoughts, let alone feelings. Which is why I probably should apologise for such a sort of pointless, rambling message.

In any case, I wanted to thank all of you who answered with kind words and support when I posted about her passing a bit ago. Mumsnet support on these horrible situations is incredible. x

How very brave you are to update this thread in the hope it may help others.
sending you all the very best for the future and hope xx

You grieve in whatever way you feel
is best. Everyone is different and no one makes the rules. Im so sorry to read your post and update. You sound very disconnected which is how I would be, keeping things away from me is my default mechanism, but at some point you will find your connection to process and accept what has happened. You will never forget but hopefully you will accept you have had a beautiful goodbye to a child you will never forget. Please take care of yourselves x

@JunieS
You are amazing and incredibly brave for sharing this journey with everyone - sending you love and strength ❤️

I don't have any advice I just wanted to say I am so, so sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby.

You'll always be their mummy. Do what you need to do to get through tomorrow. Nobody deserves this in life.

Fly high tiny one ❤️

You're both in my prayers OP x

I'm sorry OP I didn't read the follow up thread.

My point still stands, do what you need to do to get through each hour, each day.

She will always be by your side. You will always be her mummy and her safe place.
Life can be unbelievably cruel sometimes and I'm sending so much love and strength to you. ❤️

Hi OP, i have been thinking of you and thank you for the update with your baby girls funeral. Sending you lots of love and hugs. I hope you manage to find a little bit of peace. Your baby girl will always be with you carried around in your heart.
I know it is so painful seeing babies and pregnant women where ever you go. I remember feeling so sad and devastated when I lost my Baby boy and wishing I was pushing him in his pram and where ever i was it was a reminder of what should of been. It is 12 years since my DS died and all I will say is, the pain does getting easier. I used to hate anyone saying to me, it is time but it is true. I was extremely lucky to go on and have another little boy. My rainbow baby. He is 10 and I was very stressed throughout my pregnancy with him but thankfully all was well. I hope in the future and when you are ready you will have a another little one to love and cherish. Never to replace your baby girl but another child to love. A sister or brother for your Daughter. Xxx