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Little things that help you feel closer to a loved one
15

stickybear · 14/04/2022 23:12

My mum died recently. There was a particular clothes shop that she liked, and when she was well we would always compare notes when a new catalogue arrived, exchanging a few texts and pointing out things that we liked. Sometimes we would drop hints for Christmas or birthday presents, or she would ask if she could treat me to something that had caught my eye Smile
Anyway, a new catalogue arrived yesterday, the first since she died. I've realised that I've basically been carrying it around with me all day, and flicking through it when I've had a quiet moment. It feels a bit silly, but looking through it and thinking about what she might have liked has made me feel closer to her somehow. In a similar vein, I'm currently reading a book that she had bought before she died and didn't have time to finish, and feel like I'm reading it for her. She was also a big fan of Eastenders, and I feel like I should start watching that for her too!
I'm rambling a bit, but I just wondered what other little things people have found themselves doing that have helped them remember a loved one, or feel closer to them?

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Motheranddaughtertotwo · 14/04/2022 23:21

Sorry for your loss.
I play “our music” when I feel like I need my dad, the song we danced to on my wedding day and the songs I played to him at the end. It used to annoy me (irrationally, I know) when people say they are always with you but I notice now how often something will happen and I know dad is there laughing. I think we do anything to feel close to them.

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Chocolatelabradors · 14/04/2022 23:35

My grandma loved in her words 'two tone shoes' I can't see a pair without it making me smile

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FluffyFluffyClouds · 14/04/2022 23:42

Cooking. I have Mum's wooden spoons (which are older than me and may have been older than her...).

For quite a while after she died I felt the desire to go back to the hospital where she spent her last weeks. Hang out in the canteen again. Sit in the chapel. Walk the halls. Spend time with the carpark machine once more.
How's that for an odd urge? Perhaps because - although ultimately they didn't cure her (obviously!), I knew by and large they were looking after her as well as they could there. And when I was there, I knew I was where I was supposed to be, doing what I was supposed to do, 100%.

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PollyPutTheKettleOnKettleOn · 14/04/2022 23:56

I'm sorry you've lost your mum op Flowers

The same things as you describe really, anything with strong associations. Keeping an item of their clothing, watching their favourite TV programmes...I've come to really treasure a few heirlooms that were passed to me, they're not worth anything to anyone else but everytime I use that vase, book, chair, I remember them so intensely. Sometimes I just sit with them and my memories, if you know what I mean.

Recreating meals they made has become really important to me and there's a still a recipe of my grandma's cake I want to track down.

I talk to them sometimes, those that I've lost. Spontaneously, usually if I see something they'd find funny or interesting.

Don't feel silly about anything that you find yourself doing, they're really special moments.

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NightLightComfort · 29/04/2022 21:53

I love it when I get a redirected letter for my dad - it’s like he still isn’t dead to all these catalogue people.

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bloodywhitecat · 29/04/2022 21:58

I WhatsApp DH, I sent him a message last night to tell him our hedgehog is back, he'd be delighted about that, he used to go out every night last autumn to put food down for him that the mice stole and stashed in the woodshed. I messaged him last week to let him know the little celebration I had had for our fosterling's birthday had gone well. The fact that the message still show as grey ticks on my phone doesn't worry me, it's the normalness of messaging him that helps.

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CheeseAndHackers · 29/04/2022 22:40

My dad planted a tree in my garden a few years ago before he died. I like to sit on my garden bench next to it and think about him. Sometimes I talk out loud to him. I often listen to his favourite song, the one I played to him in his final days. I also have a square of fabric from his pyjama top. I've got recordings of 2 of his favourite films and I feel close to him when I watch them.

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notlongtoo · 13/05/2022 15:15

We feel for your loss, and sympathise with you..
There will be things that bring back memories.
The memories are our joys of the happy times with our departed.
After MANY years we still keep things related to our DS

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stickybear · 01/06/2022 10:02

Thank you so much to everyone who responded to this, and I'm so sorry to have disappeared - I haven't been able to post since the app updated, but I finally seem to have got it sorted! So many of your comments struck a chord with me. We're still in the process of sorting through mum's belongings, but there are a couple of little things of hers that I've kept because they are so familiar (a scarf and a key ring) and I find myself sitting with them sometimes like they're a last connection with her. I've also found it comforting looking through her cook books and finding favourite recipes, usually with her annotations all over them. She was a great cook and I realise now how much effort she put into it x

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nutleywombat · 11/06/2022 21:20

I lost my Mum and Dad within a year of each other and have used some of the money they left me for my garden. My Mum always loved flowers and they hold lots of memories for me so I have planted lots that she loved which always make me smile when I see them growing. My Dad enjoyed growing vegetables so I added several raised beds and always think of him as we eat the strawberries (my DC always used to go round and eat all of his). I sit out there, especially at the moment in the sunshine and it makes me feel closer to them. I know they both would have loved it and been happy that I have followed in their love of growing and gardening.

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echt · 12/06/2022 01:11

A fairly obvious one: I have my photos running as background on my laptop so invariably something will pop up to especially remind me of my late DH. As I use my laptop far more than my phone, it's a near-constant series of reminders.

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SweatyChamoisPad · 12/06/2022 01:35

With my mum it’s gardening - she died when I was 23 and I had no interest; I wish she was here for me to do seedlings with so much.

With my dad it’s something really stupid. He always used proper handkerchiefs, with his initial embroidered on the corner. When he died I felt it was wasteful to throw them away so I used them when I had colds or hay fever and needed something soft on my skin. 16 years later I’m still using them.

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PaddingtonBearStareAgain · 12/06/2022 01:46

One of my mums favorite songs, for various reasons was Sweet Caroline. It is everywhere at the moment and everytime I hear it I think mum would have loved this. (Although maybe not the Rod Stewart version the other night 😉)

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70isaLimitNotaTarget · 12/06/2022 01:53

My Dad is in my wardrobe (his ashes) and find myself saying "You;ll need a very clean vest on under that" in DadVoice.

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Kezzie200 · 14/06/2022 03:48

We've just lost my Mum and before she died she bought me my birthday present...its not until July! Its a rose, and its just budding now. I talk to it as I would have been whatsapping photos to her, if she was here.

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