Dealing with past trauma as well as grief?

[Kai1981]

My Dad died suddenly and unexpectedly 5 weeks ago. I was there with him at the end.

I've had a difficult few years personally (a very traumatic end to a marriage followed by divorce, then picking up the pieces during the pandemic).

I had started dating again a few months ago and met someone lovely but we'd recently ended things (he wasn't ready for a relationship) just before my Dad died.

I feel so awful all of the time and sometimes, I feel like I'm grieving that brief relationship more than my Dad's death (feels like the breakup of a twenty year relationship, not two months). I miss the guy I was dating so much and feel devastated that it's over. I wonder if my mind is doing it on purpose, to protect me from the real grief?

Things have just been so crap for so long, I feel despondent. Dealing with grief is hard enough as it is and I just feel I have nothing left. And now it feels I'm dealing with both terrible grief and also deep loneliness.

I have taken a brief time off work and have been seeing a psychotherapist for a while already. Any help or advice would be welcome I suppose.

Sounds like you’ve had an awful time, sending my love.

Thank you @Helenbackagain3

That's just a whole tub of shit OP, I'm so sorry.

I'm not being facile - if you've ever wanted to get a pet of some kind (*), now IS the time. There's something very grounding and healing about the love and companionship of another living creature.

(*) That you're able to care for, obvs

Thank you, that's a very apt way of putting it @FluffyFluffyClouds! (Yes I am still able to laugh about it sometimes).

I was actually thinking of the Borrow my Doggy app, it felt like a manageable way to start. Will investigate.

Does your psychotherapist know about bereavement? If not, maybe you should change to one who does?

I have come to the conclusion that grief plays tricks on us. Anything to avoid the possibility that your loved one isn't coming back.

So yes, I think your brain may be fixated on the two month boyfriend because that's actually easier, or less awful, than your real losses.

All religions try to make sense of death and loss. Perhaps faith is the only way through.