Lost my dad

[angelalansburysteapot]

It's been a week and it's still very raw.
He was given hope a couple of months ago, and then it was all snatched away so quickly and brutally
I didn't leave his side in his final days and I was there when he passed away.

I've never really had the best relationship with my mum but I stayed with her in the days afterwards.
Everyone is telling me I have to be strong for her, but the selfish part of me is thinking 'who's going to be strong for me?' and 'why can't I be allowed to breakdown?'
He was my world and now he's gone.
My husband is trying to help but I keep pushing him away. I don't want him, I want my dad.

I'm so sorry for you x I lost my dad dad 3 and a half weeks ago and the pain is.so raw. Unfortunately no one can say anything to make.you feel better I was so close to.my dad so I know your pain. You are not alone x

@angelalansburysteapot

I just wanted you to know how much of your post resonates.

My dad passed on 16/3 from covid pneumonia. He was very elderly and anti vaxx. it seems such a needless death.

Like you, I've not had a great relationship with my mum in the past, and I've had to be strong for her.

I've realised in the last few that I've not had chance to "feel" because I'm too busy being a parent to my surviving parent.

There's so much to do and organise, but sooner or later my feelings have to come out.

My husband is very good tho.

I wish you well and I understand your feelings

So sorry OP

I lost my dad over Christmas and it broke me. Lean on your husband for help, he wants to so let him even if it means asking for cups of tea and things to eat because as much as I know food is the last thing on your mind, keeping up your strength is important.

Would you like to tell us about your dear dad?

My dad taught me how to bake. We would spend Saturday afternoons making different types of bread and he would always tidy up after himself. He also taught me how to play chess and we would spend hours and hours together focused together playing. He would also let me win!

Sending you

@angelalansburysteapot, you don't need to be strong for anybody. Grieve in the way you need to grieve. It is very early days for you at the moment and you are going to go through a whole range of emotions you never thought possible and all of your emotions are normal and natural.

I lost my dad nearly 3 years ago and remember the raw grief so well, and difficulties supporting my mum, which still goes on. Time doesn’t make it better but grief is less raw. I actually probably miss him more now than I did then, and the everyday things I’d want to talk to him about. I just really miss his company and it catches me, when I see something on TV and for a split second think ‘must talk to dad about it’. But in time I’ve learnt other tricks- when the kids have a major achievement that I’d know he be proud of, I feel very transiently sad but then get an inner ‘heart swell’ that he’d be so proud, and that we’re carrying on living our lives well. Grief is the price we pay for love, and you must grieve and then in time think of all the love. Wishing you peace.

Thank you all so much.

I'm still not able to grieve properly as I still haven't fully accepted that he's gone.

He was only 64.

I suffer badly with my m/h, including past sections & admissions. He was always there, trying to understand and just wanting to make things better.

How can I live without him? I need him so much.

It is still very early days , grief hits at the most unexpected moments. You will have a new normal and there will come a time when the good memories outweigh the raw.

I'm so sorry.
I've lost my dad too. :(

I'm so sorry you had to say goodbye to your beloved Dad. It's truly a massive thing to deal with, one of the hardest things in life to go through. I lost my Mum in Dec & she was my rock, I can say there was a lot of very bleak feelings where I felt just utterly bereft, but I had to honour those feelings as they were testament to the love that was there & pushing away feelings only causes more problems somewhere down the line. So it's going to be very tough & you need to take care of yourself & not break yourself trying to meet expectations of support to your mum. Sometimes it's just making it thtough 15 minutes at a time, bit remember what your Dad would say to you if he were here & know that his love & care won't ever leave you.

I’m so sorry, it looks like we lost our Dads on the same day (20th March?) it’s so hard all you can do is take it hour by hour.

I was always more team Dad, he got me I got him. My mother and I are eternal mysteries to each other! It’s heartbreaking

I’m so sorry.

Please allow yourself to grieve. I lost my amazing dad 50 years ago. Like you I never had a good relationship with mother and she was needy beyond belief. I miss him every day. I was not allowed to cry or talk about him.

Recently my DD has joined Samaritans and has started training as a Counsellor. She has really opened my eyes to grief management. I feel now that I am allowed to say how much his death affected me.

If you can find anyone to help you through this, I am sure you will find it a relief, if not, all I can urge you is to give your self permission to grieve. I am so sorry for your loss.