DH died just over three weeks ago, it was his funeral this week and I just miss him so much. I feel robbed. We only met five years ago and married last May after his terminal diagnosis, we had so much we wanted to do and we truly made each other very happy. I don't want to be here right now. That's not to say I am suicidal because I am not, I have my children and my foster kids who mean the world to me but I just want him here too. I think the cruellest thing was his stroke last year which robbed him of so much, his speech, the use of his right side and ultimately, the chemo that could've given him more good years. We went through so much with so little support from all of the services that are supposed to be there to help. I am angry at the way he was dismissed by the NHS, social services and Macmillan. He was failed by so many.
Today I have been out in the sunshine and I have laughed at the antics of the kids but my heart aches and it feels like it will never mend.