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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

I don't like this new life

14 replies

bloodywhitecat · 23/03/2022 14:48

DH died just over three weeks ago, it was his funeral this week and I just miss him so much. I feel robbed. We only met five years ago and married last May after his terminal diagnosis, we had so much we wanted to do and we truly made each other very happy. I don't want to be here right now. That's not to say I am suicidal because I am not, I have my children and my foster kids who mean the world to me but I just want him here too. I think the cruellest thing was his stroke last year which robbed him of so much, his speech, the use of his right side and ultimately, the chemo that could've given him more good years. We went through so much with so little support from all of the services that are supposed to be there to help. I am angry at the way he was dismissed by the NHS, social services and Macmillan. He was failed by so many.

Today I have been out in the sunshine and I have laughed at the antics of the kids but my heart aches and it feels like it will never mend.

OP posts:
PollyPutTheKettleOnKettleOn · 23/03/2022 14:55

I am so very sorry, op. Flowers

The hole he leaves in your life will always be there but your life and heart will grow around it Flowers Flowers

Pavlova31 · 23/03/2022 14:59

So sorry Op Flowers

AchillesPoirot · 23/03/2022 15:00

I am so sorry xxx

Elodie9 · 23/03/2022 15:01

I am so sorry for your loss and hope that you have wonderful people in your life who can help and support you. Sincere condolences.

DiamondCushion · 23/03/2022 15:03

OP, I always know it’s you from the amount of love that comes across in all your posts the last 6 months. It truly is unfair that you didn’t get any more time with him and you are allowed to be angry at the world x

Fcuk38 · 23/03/2022 15:05

My husband died nearly 4 years ago. The way I’ve come to view it is life is filled with chapters. My husband was one of those chapters that closed (very quickly). It takes time but a new chapter will begin for you, you will never forget but you will find a way of moving forward.m

PetalLeaves · 23/03/2022 15:12

I am so sorry OP. I can’t imagine how hard it is for you. I don’t know why life has to be so cruel sometimes, but your heart will mend and you will one day feel genuine, unobstructed happiness again Flowers. It might take some time, but you will. I am so sorry about what your husband went through.

Well done on getting out about and just surviving each day. Take it easy and i hope you have someone taking care of you as well Flowers.

Raspberrymeringue88 · 23/03/2022 15:24

I'm so sorry op. Life (and death) can be so unfair and you've been through so much. No words can help really but sending you lots of strength to help you trudge on and I hope your bereavement becomes easier to live alongside as times moves on. Don't hesitate to treat yourself gently.

Are there any support groups you can go to like young widows? You are the go-to person for your dc and foster DC and that will deplete you emotionally even more in current circs. You may find it helpful to have someone support you (although we didn't find Macmillan helpful either). x

StopStartStop · 23/03/2022 15:27

Just sending a hug. It's a firm, robust and enduring hug, that will hold you when you think of it and last for years. You've been through too much.

FreyaMaya · 23/03/2022 15:28

I'm so sorry OP Thanks

Tana433 · 23/03/2022 15:51

Op, i watch a youtuber who lost her husband last year due to a drunk driver. Her and her children were badly injured and she is only just beginning to recover. One thing that she said has stuck with me and makes me weep whenever i think how poignant it is. She said "I wasnt supposed to spend the rest of my life with him. He was meant to spend the rest of his life with me and he did and it was wonderful". I hope this gives you some comfort though i dont even pretend to understand what you are going through.

bloodywhitecat · 23/03/2022 19:35

"I wasnt supposed to spend the rest of my life with him. He was meant to spend the rest of his life with me and he did and it was wonderful"

I like that way of looking at it, thank you.

And thank you all for listening, I feel very lonely at the moment, especially in the evenings.

OP posts:
Roselilly36 · 23/03/2022 19:38

I am so sorry, it’s just so hard to cope with loss, sending you a big hug Flowers

liliainterfrutices · 23/03/2022 21:49

I’m so sorry, and so sorry that services failed you.

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