('Anticipated') Grief ?

[52andblue]

My Mother has 'suspected cancer'. (Symptoms ignored for months, now ongoing appts at Oncology) I learned of this 8 weeks ago. She's 400m away. Long history of NC so very difficult (very poor comms) so I'm struggling with some very mixed feelings.

Suddenly, 3 weeks ago, I learned that my partner of 5 years (we'd reunited after being partners 20 years ago, it was a real love story) has terminal cancer. It is a LDR. He has asked me not to visit as he 'doesn't want me to see him this way & it won't be long'). He is being well cared for in hospital (& has relatives daily). I will respect his wishes but I'm finding it very hard. We'd been low (but not 'no') comms for 10 weeks, then the news that he is Dying. I can't believe it. I could cope with us being low, or even no comms for a bit - we've known each other 35 years now: he has complicated MH so things can be difficult, but we always talk things through & choose to go forward together. He's the love of my life). I can't imagine him being 'gone'.

I've no one to talk to in RL (hence this post). I wondered about calling a grief support line (I'm not sleeping, angry, sobbing, numb) but it seems fraudulent in a way when they are both still alive ?

Grief starts before death in my experience, indeed our local hospice offer 'Living Grief' counselling which starts before the bereavement. Phone for support, you won't be turned away and it is not fraudulent.

Thank you @boodywhitecat x

@bloodywhitecat (sorry for typo)

I think youth fall under the umbrella of "complicated grief" and you absolutely should reach out. Many hospices have services you can self refer to.

I'm so sorry.

Your mother and partner are being gbwell cared for. You MUST prioritise yourself now.

you not youth

Thanks for that @ChiswickFlo. I didn’t feel I had any justification to seek support until they died but you are right it is complicated as well. The circs of each one and the timing of the overlap. I do need something in RL I think as I'm now a solo parent to 2 teenagers with SN & SEN, after my H left last summer (quite the 12 months!)

Definitely reach out and talk about how your feeling.

I called Cruse: no reply so I left a msg on an answering machine & they just kindly called back. A really nice young person. On for 10 mins but she said I'd be better calling Marie Curie as both people are still alive & I haven't started the grieving process properly yet.

Try your local hospice too, ours signpost to the relevant support agencies.