Close friend committed suicide

[msc6199]

Just that really. Happened a few days ago. I feel so broken. Nobody had any idea that she felt so low. Not even an inkling. She always seemed so bubbly and was always the life and soul of a party. It came as such a shock and obviously the family are beside themselves with grief and have so many questions. I am trying to support them as best as possible.
As a friend I feel like I let her down that I wasn't there for her how she clearly needed somebody to be.

Just needed somewhere to put these thoughts x

I'm so sorry for your loss. My sister took her own life a month ago and it is still quite unbelievable.

I am so sorry too. It will take time to proces and you will be in shock. My dad took his own life 30 years ago now and it felt unbelievable for a long time. I’m sorry about your sister too @riverpebblesflowers]

Sending love and strength at this difficult time

I'm so sorry to read this. You will be reeling. I have some experience of this and it may help to know:

• some people have a very good ability to hide their pain and find it impossible to talk about how they are feeling. That works well a lot of the time but can make it too difficult to reach out when things get very bad. It doesn't mean you weren't there for her.
• every single person who loved her will be racked with guilt and thinking "if only I had....". But if you heard someone else's "if only" thoughts, you would realise they aren't logical and would never blame them. Try and be as kind to yourself as you would be to anyone else thinking those thoughts. It wasn't your fault and it is very unlikely anything you did differently would have affected the outcome.
• at the same time as feeling guilty and processing your grief, you may feel angry. It might help to remember the old fashioned phrase about "the balance of their mind being disturbed". They were literally not in their right mind. Most people who try to kill themselves are genuinely convinced their loved ones would be better off if they were dead. They are also profoundly locked in their own head and unable to even glimpse the impact their actions will have on others.

I hope you have people to look after you and for you to talk to. It is a huge, traumatic loss and it will affect you. Counselling might give you a safe place to talk about the person you loved, what she meant to you, and how it's affecting you. There will be a lot of love and caring thoughts heading your way from people on here who have some idea of what you are going through. -

I’m so sorry too. A family member took their life a few weeks ago and it’s so hard to cope with xxx

I am so sorry. There is no way to know what is going on in other peoples minds unless they tell you. I lost a friend to suicide a few years ago and was totally crushed with guilt in addition to the expected sadness etc Counseling helped me realise there was no way I could have known. My friend had been particularly chirpy in the couple of weeks beforehand - apparently this can happen as can feel at peace with a ‘plan’. Utterly devastating to think people we love feel like this and so hard for all family and friends x

@BishyBarnyBee

I'm so sorry to read this. You will be reeling. I have some experience of this and it may help to know:

• some people have a very good ability to hide their pain and find it impossible to talk about how they are feeling. That works well a lot of the time but can make it too difficult to reach out when things get very bad. It doesn't mean you weren't there for her.
• every single person who loved her will be racked with guilt and thinking "if only I had....". But if you heard someone else's "if only" thoughts, you would realise they aren't logical and would never blame them. Try and be as kind to yourself as you would be to anyone else thinking those thoughts. It wasn't your fault and it is very unlikely anything you did differently would have affected the outcome.
• at the same time as feeling guilty and processing your grief, you may feel angry. It might help to remember the old fashioned phrase about "the balance of their mind being disturbed". They were literally not in their right mind. Most people who try to kill themselves are genuinely convinced their loved ones would be better off if they were dead. They are also profoundly locked in their own head and unable to even glimpse the impact their actions will have on others.

I hope you have people to look after you and for you to talk to. It is a huge, traumatic loss and it will affect you. Counselling might give you a safe place to talk about the person you loved, what she meant to you, and how it's affecting you. There will be a lot of love and caring thoughts heading your way from people on here who have some idea of what you are going through. -

Beautiful post 🖤 So sorry for your loss OP 😢

It changes you (our GD did it last August she was 14 ) I feel it more deeply now but I still feel it, ( don'y think we'll ever get 'over it') our daughters were close Aunties and are really cut up, DS was separated from her Mum and feels terribly guilty for it. It's hard to support them when I'm so sad too.

I am talking about it to all my close friends which does help. DH will hardly talk about it. Men aren't on the same wavelength IME. DS is quite religious and that has helped him a lot. it's nice to think that there's a spirit that survives.

I'm in 2 minds about counselling because she had attempted 8 months before and was on AD's and under therapy . Which didn't help her.

I'm soo sorry for everyone who has been through this, it's the last thing we expected even when she had attempted before , it's like where there's life there's hope, it's sooo final.