I’ve lost my Grandma and I’m really struggling to cope.

[funinthesun19]

My Grandma died suddenly this week, and I’m not coping. Life was normal at the beginning of the week, and now it’s this. I can’t stop crying and saying much I want her back. I’m an absolute mess.

What am I going to do? I went to sleep at around 1am and then woke up with an absolutely overwhelming feeling of sadness and nerves. I can’t eat properly and I’m struggling with day to day life now. I have 4 children and I know I need to be strong for them, but I am struggling so much.

Please tell me this gets better.

It does get better. I remember my grandparents with fondness and joy now, not their passing or how much I miss them. How old are your dc? Can you let them know you’re upset? I was devastated when my lovely granny died. Dd was 3 and knew I was sad and comforted me. She’s 25 now and alongside her memories of her remembers me crying. Do talk to your friends as well. How’s your parent? Did she leave a partner? Support them too and let yourself supported by your dc. It’s ok.

Give yourself time. Have a lot of hot, sweet drinks. Do whatever small, practical things you can manage. Be honest with your children, it's ok to show them your vulnerability. I am sorry for your loss.

My dc are 3, 7, 9 and 10. They know what’s happened and know I’m upset. They’ve been very caring.
My grandma left behind my grandad who is distraught. Me and my family members are all there for him so he’s not alone. I am worried sick about him.

What makes this all worse is that I hadn’t seen my grandma for a couple of months when usually I would have seen my grandparents very regularly. So I have this guilt which is eating away at me.

It’s my son’s birthday today so I need to pull myself together.

Oh I'm so sorry for your loss. You're still in shock right now. Take care

So sorry for your loss, it’s still very early days, it will get easier but it takes time, just take it one day at a time

Thank you. It still doesn’t feel real. I feel so sad and empty all the time.

I can empathise OP, my DS1 took it very badly when he lost his Nan, we all did, but he particularly struggled with his feelings, reading about “the ball in the jar” described exactly how he felt, we are nearly 6mths on now, but it’s true the ball (the grief) remains the same size but the jar gets bigger over time. Grief is really tough to navigate. But it should get easier, when you reach the point of acceptance.

She absolutely wouldn't want you to feel guilty so try and let that go. I sympathise with our grief though. I lost my grandma last year and it broke my heart. A year on it's still broken, always will be. I'm very lucky in my wonderful family but grandma and I had a special bond and nobody will ever love me like that again. I have a ring of hers and a lot of household stuff too. That comforts me. Do you know the Taylor swift song 'Majorie'? That's about her grandma. She sings 'you're alive in my head' and that resonates with me and comforts me.

I lost my grandma 24 years ago and I still miss her and think of her everyday. She'll always be with you OP and it won't always hurt so badly. Treasure your memories.

Thank you for your messages. I’m in such a dark place right now and don’t know what to do.
I can’t sleep or eat properly and I feel like I will never be happy again. My heart is just completely broken.

It does get easier. I remember when my Grandma died, it was an awful time for me. I still miss her everyday and think about her everyday but the memories are the good ones. Give yourself the time and just cry, sending you the biggest hugs xx

It gets better but it takes time and that time scale is different for everyone. When someone we love dies, we always try and punish ourselves in some way. You do have to believe that she knew how much you loved her and you not seeing her will have made no difference to that. She'd not want you to feel guilty. Be kind to yourself and go at your own pace in your grieving process.

Thank you for the messages.
I’m still struggling so much. Especially at night when it’s quiet and everything enters my head.
Tonight is no different

I don’t even have that many pictures of my grandma (in recent years, even pre covid). Why didn’t I just take loads of pictures?

I miss my grandma so much. The pain is unbearable. I’m on my own and don’t even have a loving partner/husband to support me through this.

Sending you a hug. She was so fortunate to have such a loving granddaughter like you. Always remember that you will have brought great happiness into her life, in all sorts of ways that you probably don’t even know about.