Do I have a right to be upset over kids dad?

[Jackson21]

Hi all

My childrens dad died a year ago today of covid, they are 14 and 17 years old.

He was my husband of 15 years, together since we were 18 but separated for reasons I won't go into in 2007 with dd was 3months old.

Today brought back all our memories of being together and how this time last year I had to break the news to the kids (he had been in a coma and in hospital for 6 weeks prior). I have been crying on and off (not in front of the kids), cried at the cemetary, cried when we lit candles at the time he died, and thought of everything that's happened since he died (lots of family problems etc) and just wonder if I have the right to be upset as we weren't together.

The kids miss him so much particualry the 14 year old girl who has now fallen asleep and i write this in tears thinking life is so so cruel, why did this have to happen, she absolutely idolised her dad to pieces and saw him every weekend and spoke to him everyday.

thanks for reading xx

Of courage you have the right to be upset, he was a huge part of your life. Sending love to you x

Of course you do. When my FIL died, he and MIL had been divorced for over 20 years. She was still mourning the man she had once loved, and the father of her children. It’s the most natural thing in the world. I’m sorry for your loss, and for your children’s.

You certainly do. You will grieve for him, for yourself and for your children.
I hope others in your life will be understanding of that.
I'm sorry.

You have every right to be upset! You could be upset if it was the window cleaner, there are NO rules about who can be upset.

He was a huge part of your life, so you're upset for you.

He's your kids Dad & they're hurting so your upset for them.

It's upsetting irrespective of you not being in a relationship when he died, jyoure both still your children's parents.

Nothing wrong with the kids knowing you're upset too, it's better for them than thinking you didn't care about their Dad, when you did!

Lots of huge hugs!!

Thank you everyone juat got into bed and having a cry still wondering why this happened xx

Oh, I am so sorry.

I always think it isn’t marriage (or a relationship) that binds people together ‘til death is do part’ (because clearly relationships break down all the time )it’s having our DNA forever combined in our children.

How could you not grieve someone so loved by your Dd? And grieve for him not being able to see his kids grow up?

I am so sorry you had the heartbreaking job of telling them their Dad had gone. So very sad.

@Jackson21 of course you have every right to be upset. He was your children's father. You will be upset for them too. I have recently had to go through the same and as my DD's father and I were divorced I wondered if people would think it odd that I am so upset. But I believe I am grieving not only my daughter's loss of her father but also the hopes and dreams of my own when I married him aged 22. You must have loved him once, so it is understandable that you feel grief.

My childrens father passed at the end of last year. We had been separated several years. I was actually surprised by how upset I was. Its complicated because I feel like I'm grieving for my childrens loss as well as mine.

I’ve been separated from my ex for 12 years, but if he were to pass away, I’d be devastated

I’d be sad for our children, but also very sad for myself. I loved him very much at one time.

You have every right to be upset

You have the right to feel as you do but be careful of your children feelings as it may be confusing and difficult for them to process so careful explanation and consideration of their (greater) grief might be needed.

for you all.