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Original poster

Anyone arranged a Direct cremation?

18 replies

Soontobe60 · 23/02/2022 17:24

My mum died yesterday. She had, some years ago, expressed a wish to donate her body to medical science, but as she was 85 she’s considered too old. Her other option was for a direct cremation - ie no service.
We want to carry out her wishes but are not sure what to expect with a direct cremation. We did think we would just organise a wake on a date that is convenient for us all.
Has anyone organised such a funeral?

OP posts:
Ilovetommycat · 23/02/2022 20:39

Op I am so sorry for your loss.
I hope it works out for you and I am also planning the same funeral.
I would like to hear from others who have done this.
Please could anyone help us with this.

Bimblepops · 23/02/2022 20:42

We had a direct cremation for my sister. We then held a memorial celebration for her, with friends and family. It was much more in keeping with her.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 23/02/2022 20:45

I didn't organise it, but my DGM didn't want a funeral. Her body was taken to the crematorium by the funeral directors, my DM and Aunt were able to be in there, and play one song (not sure if they did this just on their phone, informally, or if the crematorium did it) they then left and that was it.

We had a wake a while later.

Ohmnomnom · 23/02/2022 20:47

I did this for my mum. The funeral director organised everything and then I collected the ashes from them a week later.

Universe1969 · 23/02/2022 20:52

Sorry for your loss. We did this. We used pure cremation and they arranged everything. They send you the ashes to your home. We then had two massive parties for my mum. Exactly what she would have wanted

Ithinkimalonenow24 · 23/02/2022 20:57

We did this for my mum as she wished. The funeral director arranged it all and delivered the ashes afterwards. But you don't get to see the body or be there when done.

After got ashes back we spread the ashes same place as my dad and close family went out for a meal to celebrate her life. I much preferred this.

PiggyPlumPie · 23/02/2022 21:00

We did this for my dad last week. We went to visit him in the funeral home on Thursday and then he was cremated on Friday. We weren't supposed to be told the actual date though.

We are planning a get-together when we inter his ashes.

It was what he wanted.

GreenClock · 23/02/2022 21:04

Yes, the funeral director arranged everything. Just a few of us in the crematorium chapel with favourite music playing (the funeral director did this too).

GreenClock · 23/02/2022 21:05

I’d suggest reading through the recent AMA from the funeral arranger - she refers to direct cremations as well as other things.

NarrowboatDi · 23/02/2022 21:11

I did this for my dad. We used the co-op and they cremated him and we collected his ashes two weeks later. We did it for monetary reasons as there was only myself and my partner. Seemed a bit pointless us paying for cars and a service. We’d already done all our grieving in the three years he was ill.

Beamur · 23/02/2022 21:13

Yes. The company were very professional and it went smoothly. We celebrated PIL's life with a walk and a meal.

gamerchick · 23/02/2022 21:14

My friend did. It was so much less effort. They used pure cremation.

I fully intend on this. You can hold a wake anytime.

Sorry for your loss Flowers

FunnyGoingsOn · 23/02/2022 21:36

My parents are doing this as am I. We've all written it into our wills along with a request for no service.
My Dad has a terminal illness and when he dies his body will be taken away and then that's it. We will get together as a family afterwards but there will be no service or wake. We won't even take the ashes.

Original poster
Soontobe60 · 03/03/2022 09:23

Thank you for the replies everyone. We’ve arranged a direct cremation now via the Co-op, which will take place within the next 2 weeks. They will let us know the date, and let us know when we can collect mums ashes. We’ve also organised a wake for the beginning of April - lots of our relatives live abroad so this gives them time to make arrangements to come over. We’re going to have a couple of people giving a eulogy, have some music that she loved and generally celebrate her life.

OP posts:
dontgobaconmyheart · 03/03/2022 10:45

Sorry for your loss OP. I've recently arranged a direct cremation as per their written wishes.

We rung around several local funeral homes as whilst I was happy to honour this I did want to see them in the funeral home, given that the last time I saw them was traumatic (a suicide) . We found an independent funeral director who allowed this, and also kindly told me the date of the cremation, allowed me to attend, spend a moment with the casket, lay a bouquet on it, and choose a piece of music for the entry into the crematorium. I stood at the door as he was taken in and was happy with it. They were extremely respectful.

Also worth nothing that they allowed me to take in clothing for him to be dressed in and items to place in the coffin which was a huge comfort. A lot of the direct cremation plans do not allow the above so I would urge people to confirm the exact terms if you did want to do any of these extra things as the majority I found don't facilitate any of them, including the pre paid plans. I have always said funerals don't interest me but have changed my perspective now in that I strongly feel the option of choice for some form of comfort for those left behind is important. I would still not want a service but equally won't deny those who might wish to the small chances to say goodbye privately with a letter in a casket or to know where I am being kept etc.

A direct cremation generally is the removal of the body to be cremated at an unspecified time and then the ashes returned should you wish them, with no viewing or service options, which I found to be true when ringing around and when viewing most DC plans.

EmpressCixi · 03/03/2022 11:19

@Soontobe60

Thank you for the replies everyone. We’ve arranged a direct cremation now via the Co-op, which will take place within the next 2 weeks. They will let us know the date, and let us know when we can collect mums ashes. We’ve also organised a wake for the beginning of April - lots of our relatives live abroad so this gives them time to make arrangements to come over. We’re going to have a couple of people giving a eulogy, have some music that she loved and generally celebrate her life.
Sorry for the loss of your mum. I did the same for my dad. Just wanted to add you will need to purchase an urn or box for the ashes? Did the Co-op offer you anything? I didn’t like the ones our funeral director had and so ordered and urn online and then took it in and had my dad’s ashes placed in the urn...which we will inter at a funeral when the family can get together.
Original poster
Soontobe60 · 07/03/2022 15:08

@EmpressCixi
They place her ashes in a cylinder. My sister is buying a proper urn for them to be decanted into. Mum is being cremated this Thursday morning at a crematorium nearby. We’ve organised a wake but it will be in 3 weeks, when everyone can make it.

OP posts:
LetsGoCrazyPurpleBanana · 31/05/2022 12:40

My mum has told us she has arranged this. I'm the oldest child but I'm NC with my younger brother and wanted to know what would happen re mum's ashes? Would they go to me or can they split them. I'm fully expecting my brother to be difficult if they went to him :(

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