My baby is 15.
I cant believe it.
I'm just going to have a ramble on about her, if someone doesn't mind having a listen.
On her birthday and anniversary especially I like to talk about her. She doesn't seem real sometimes, and I think of all the people who's lives she would have touched had the world been blessed with her for more than 2 weeks.
I had a difficult pregnancy, I knew something was wrong, I was told multiple times I was paranoid as my dear sweet son had died 8 years previously.
Sadly at her birth I was proved right.
I had her and looked at her beautiful dark eyes and her shock of dark hair and she literally took my breath away. All I saw was a perfect angel, however after a few seconds the midwife whisked her away.
I was in the birthing room for 2 hours, nobody telling me anything apart from she was having some difficulties and I was unable to see her. That's when I sat and thought of her name and decided on Emma.
Before I was eventually allowed to see her I had 3 doctors come and see me. I couldn't tell you what they said after "she is having some difficulties ..." I didn't care what it was I was certain my baby and I would tackle any obstacle together.
When I walked into the intensive care unit I saw that beautiful shock of hair and walked over to her incubator and my heart broke.
My little girl was on a ventilator, unable to breathe alone, her leg had apparently broken at some point in pregnancy and had set as had her hand.
She was 7lb so, compared to some of the little ones she was massive, but she was so, so poorly.
The doctors were amazing, truly, they did every test on my little girl, they spent hours looking at everything they could, her doctor even set his retirement back by a week so he could see her case through.
I spent so many hours reading to her, singing to her (poor baby) and stroking her face. She had the most obnoxious eye roll when someone annoyed her, and it was always right on cue 😂 she was well known for it among the nursing staff. I was the recipient of quite a few, usually when I was being over emotional.
I was unable to hold her for a week as her bones were so brittle. After a week they allowed it in the hope of a miracle recovery I think, I didn't really hold her in my arms, she was on a board so I didn't hurt her, but I still treasure that cuddle so much.
All of her tests came back and they were no further forward in finding out what she had. All they did know is that she was suffering so much and that her poor broken body just didn't work.
The day I realised what had to happen was when the doctor took me into a room and showed me an xray. It looked like pieces of thread that had been cracked and I was very confused until he explained that I was looking at my darling girls ribcage. By this point my darling girl had started to swell up as she couldn't move at all too.
Looking back I think the doctors had been preparing me for this for days, but I chose not to hear it.
They said there was nothing further they could do and she was starting to get an infection from the ventilator and that the best thing for her was to take her off the ventilator.
I, selfishly, asked for one last night with her, it was so horrendous knowing the next day would be the day I lost her.
I spent the whole night with her telling her how loved she is.
When the next day came they offered to put a curtain around her incubator and said that they would ask other parents not to come in for 10 minutes, I wasn't comfortable with that and asked if we could go to a room ourselves.
The room they put us in was little more than a cupboard, but at least we were alone.
I put the radio on and sang to her, I had asked them to put her morphine right up so she felt nothing so she probably didn't hear me talking to her.
Then the most awful time came, I had to go and find the nurse and ask her to come and take my beautiful girl off her ventilator. The nurse was amazing, I'll never forget her.
She came in and quietened all the machines so they wouldn't beep and then removed her ventilator. This was only the second time I had seen her beautiful mouth, I gave my girl a kiss and then I opened a window so she could finally escape the hospital and fly free. I held her as her heart slowly stopped beating and she died in my arms surrounded by all the live in the world.
I carefully washed and dressed her broken body, she hadn't worn clothes for the two weeks of her life and she looked so peaceful and snuggly in her little baby grow.
I left her there with her little Teddy that had always been by her side and went home just empty and broken.
I gave her the same funeral as her brother had, and my beautiful Emma was scattered in the same garden as her brother too.
My heart is heavy today, I miss my daughter so much, even though she has been gone for so much longer than she was here her little life has had such a huge impact on mine.
I hope that I will see her again someday, running and happy and free, as she should have been in life, and no doubt causing mischief with her brother too 
Thank you to anyone who has taken the time to read what has turned out to be a novel. It's important to me that she still has an impact in the world.
Emma was here, and she mattered, and she is so, so loved ❤