My long estranged father is dead

[Notmyyearthisyear]

I found out last night. He was found dead in his flat. Died in the night, was found some time later by a neighbour who contacted my half brother.
Due to a terribly complicated family situation I hadn’t spoke to my father for almost two decades. He never met my husband nor two children, his only grandchildren.
I had always hoped he would reach out one day and now he is dead. I will never feel that he loved his little girl (me) again, there will be no apologies, explanations, nothing. He is dead.
I live in another country. I’ve been waiting all day to hear from my half brother about funeral arrangements. He’s gone underground, most likely drinking. There’s nobody else.
Do I need to go out there and try to organise the funeral myself? I’ve been out of the picture for so long. I want to pay my father his last respects. I loved him. I forgave him. Now he will never know.

I'm so sorry to hear this. Bumping for you as I'm not sure what I'd do if your half brother has gone AWOL. Does he do this a lot?

Sorry for your loss.
No, since you haven't spoken in 20years it isn't necessary for you to go over and make funeral arrangements unless you actually want to.

Try not to over romanticise the idea of him. There must have been serious reasons as to why you were NC. He could have tried to reconcile but didn't... you should bare no guilt whatsoever. Take care.

You don’t need to do anything, do what you want to. You don’t owe him anything so do whatever will bring you comfort.

Thanks everyone who responded.
The funeral went ahead, my brother did it. I attended.
I’m struggling with all sorts of feelings so not sure what it is that is bringing me down atm but thank you for the sound advice not to romanticise the relationship. You are right.

How are you doing @Notmyyearthisyear ?
Thinking of you x

How are you @Notmyyearthisyear?

I went through something similar last year. Here if you want to talk about your dad.