I’ve started dreaming about my dad

[Fallulah]

Dad died in Nov, cancer, but more quickly than we expected.

I’ve just started dreaming about him, and they’re not pleasant dreams!

In the first he phoned the house and I said how can you phone, you’re dead. He said he wasn’t dead after all. I then tried to get in touch with everyone else to tell them but I couldn’t because all the phone lines were cut.

Last night I dreamt he was home from the hospice on day release. I kept saying how can he be home, we cremated him, remember? But everyone else was just carrying on, looking after him, taking him back at the end of the day etc.

Why can’t I have happy dreams of happy times?!

I think this is part of grieving when your mind is still trying to process the fact that they've gone; I've had similar in the past and they've been in relation to deaths which were sudden or unexpected.

They are horrible and upsetting I know, they will pass though.

Sending you

I think all part of the grieving process. I had similar after DM passed away in September. But more recently I have had much nicer dreams about her. The other night we were just sitting together having a cuppa and a chat. This wasn't something we were able to do in "real life" since the pandemic started 🙁. It was a lovely dream - very calm and peaceful.

It will get better OP. Give it time

My dad passed a year ago in horrible circumstances, i have very strange dreams abt him . I used to have them a lot but they have calmed down . I occasionally have dreams abt my mum to who passed away a long time ago they are very surreal shes young and always wearing the same blouse !! Its dreams i think its cause they are always on ur mind ..give yourself time it does calm down I promise x

Reassuring to know I am normal!

It’s weird, I was fine (as fine as you can be) when he died, but as time goes on it feels more and more unbelievable that he’s gone and I’m thinking of him more and more. I’m waiting to start bereavement counselling through work so some space to talk about it will probably help.

Sorry to hear this OP, the unconscious mind can be extremely insensitive and random, I'm afraid.

I had the same dreams. My Dad was a bit of a hoarder and had to move into aged care for the last six months of his life ( vascular dementia). We got rid of a lot of his accumulated junk so our mother could enjoy a clean orderly house for the first time in years. Even after he died I would dream that he appeared at the door saying " what have you done with my things? Where are they??" It was so upsetting and real.
So yes I think it's normal to dream like this.

My dad died in September 2020 and I frequently dream about him. Once or twice he's been the focus and it's like he's come back after recovering and I remember one of them I was thinking that I can't loose him again. Other times he's just there on the sidelines with my mum like he always was.

So sorry to read this - it's very upsetting. I think it's normal and hope the dreams will change in time. When my Mum first died, I had a few upsetting dreams but in time it shifted - in my dreams she got gradually younger and not afflicted with dementia. I still dream about her very frequently but now she appears as she was in her prime, just doing normal stuff and it's comforting. I hope your dreams shift in the same way.

Not a dream this time but another night time problem. I convinced myself I was having a heart attack last night because my left arm/shoulder was aching. Then I think my anxiety about that made me feel sick/light headed.

My partner is away this weekend and I didn’t want to wake him up at 1am, didn’t feel I could phone my mum or sister because I didn’t want to worry them.

I slept well in the end but have started worrying again this morning. I’ve spoken to my partner but he’s at work now. Still didn’t want to worry my mum or sister. Thought about all the friends I could phone or message but they have their lives and don’t want to be bothered on a Saturday morning.
I don’t want to phone the dr because deep down I think I know it’s anxiety and I am scared of hospitals!

My dad would give me a hug and tell me to pull myself together! And that’s what I really want!

Oh bless you. I've lost both parents and whenever I dream about them I'm always aware that they're dead and I'm "borrowing" them. They're mostly nice dreams and can actually be comforting. Wishing you well.