When does it get easier

[Jjacobb]

My brother died in the most horrific circumstances and what happened split my family apart.
I can't give any details as it was high profile and would be easy to google. Some of us were barred from attending his funeral so never got to say goodbye. We held our own memorial but with no ashes to scatter or grave to visit it didn't help me. We're coming up to the 2nd anniversary and I still cry every day, I miss him so much. I loved him so much.
I don't know what I want from this, without knowing what happened I don't think anyone can help. I've had counseling but it didn't help. My heart is absolutely broken but I have to stay strong to support other family members when all I want to do is run away.

I'm so very sorry for you and sorry to read this;
Are you able to have a private celebration of life ceremony to remember him either religious or non-religious then go for a meal/ drinks to remember him?

Could you get away for a bit? Either alone or with a friend or partner if you have one - someone a bit further removed from the immediate family.

It does sound like a particularly difficult situation. Was the counsellor a grief specialist?

What do you think would give you a sense of closure?