bereavement after separation

[burninglikefire]

Hi,

My husband passed away suddenly in December. We had been separated for several years but hadn't sorted out any financial stuff and he was living in the marital home.

I thought I was coping well at first but am struggling now. There is so much to do re emptying the house of contents, legal stuff, dealing with children and step-children (all adults) and work. I feel a bit of a fraud in struggling since although he was my husband we were separated.

At the moment I am struggling to engage with other people - eg giving late apologies for not turning up to work meetings.

Not sure what my aim is in posting this. Guess hearing from others who might have been in a similar situation would help.

In sorry, I haven’t been in your situation. But I know when my kids’ headteachers husband died suddenly they were also separated and she had a decent time off work on compassionate leave. It was still a huge shock and a loss and as you’re finding, lots of work and extra tasks to do as well.
Take the time you need- I assuming he was a huge part of your life for a long time, and it’s okay to feel whatever you feel.

Get yourself signed off by your gp.

You are grieving, just because you were separated doesn’t mean you’re not upset. You’ve maybe got the added stress of wondering what might have been.
I agree to getting signed off, then make a plan and a list. And get some of those grown up kids to help with clearing out. They can do tip runs, charity shop runs, or help fill a skip.

Thank you all for responding so quickly - think I do need some time off work.

I think grief can often be harder in unresolved relationships. More space for regret, what ifs and things unsaid. Not saying you should feel any of these things, just that sometimes these situations can, conversely, be harder to process.

Go easy on yourself and don’t feel you need to downplay / excuse your grief.

I'm in the exact same situation except we weren't married. We were together several years, have 2 young dc. We sperarated in 2017. Ex passed away very suddenly on Christmas Day. Honestly I'm struggling. Its a strange feeling because i feel like I don't have the right to be upset or grieving. I was supposed to be back in college and work a couple of weeks ago. I've taken leave from work and my course director allowed me to start back at college 2 weeks late so I could sort childcare as exdp would have looked after the dcs every day in my house while I was in college or work. Feel free to pm me if you ever want to chat x