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Bereavement

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My lovely dad died suddenly

55 replies

warnc007 · 26/01/2022 20:46

My fantastic dad died suddenly yesterday, only 73 and relatively fit and healthy. He'd been to the gym, come home and was fitting a towel rail in the bathroom as it was loose. It looks like it was a heart attack, my mum heard a thud but thought he'd dropped the rail (it would have been very likely) so didn't do anything. She went up a few minutes later to sort out lunch with him and found him on the landing. She tried to do CPR and called 999, but the paramedics couldn't save him and he was pronounced dead before I got there. I had to ring my brother and tell him to get there and he had to ring me to tell me to not rush as there was no need.
There was no indication of him feeling unwell (he would definitely have told my mum if he had felt poorly), there was nothing anyone could have done even if my mum had gone up straightaway. I feel guilty that I wasn't there with my mum and brother when they pronounced him dead, although I know that it wouldn't really have changed anything.
I've had to tell my 7 and 8 year old this morning, my daughter absolutely doted on him and is distraught, my son is being a bit more stoic (we think he doesn't know how to react and so is internalising all his thoughts). My brother isn't coping at all and won't let me help him (not that I know how). I've spent the day with my brother and mum, trying to sort whatever admin bits we can, but we can't do mum until the PM has been done.
I don't really know why I am posting here as there's nothing anyone can do, but it seems to be helping me to write everything down at the minute. Thanks for reading my essay.

OP posts:
Duchess379 · 26/01/2022 21:30

I'm so sorry for your loss. My dad had a heart attack Saturday morning. Paramedics got him in the back of the ambulance & he 'crashed'. They had to use a defibrillator on him to bring him back. He's 71. It's so scary because it's so sudden. Big hugs coming your way 🥺💕🌺

Testarossa44 · 26/01/2022 21:32

I lost my dad very suddenly at the end of September, he was 73 too. Those first weeks were truly truly hard, the pain was real and the emotions completely overwhelming. Take time for yourself, take it hour by hour, don’t try and do too much. Allow yourself to cry, and cry some more. I barely stopped, but it does help. I ended up needing 6 weeks off work. But I’m coping much better now, still have bad days when I cry a lot, but I have good days too, though never stop thinking about my dad. Be kind to yourself and support each other as much as you can. Sending you much love.

emmaluggs · 26/01/2022 21:33

So sorry for your loss, I also lost my dad suddenly and unexpectedly too so i can understand. Take your time and look after yourself x

user1477249785 · 26/01/2022 21:33

OP I'm so sorry. Sudden deaths like this are the worst both because of the lack of time to prepare yourself and say what you need to say but also because they bring home the fragility of life.

It's ok not to know how to feel or what to say right now. Take care of yourself and your family.

ozymandiusking · 26/01/2022 21:40

It is such a terrible shock when a family member dies like this, especially your Dad. Stay close to everyone, and talk about him.
Seding love x

JustMaggie · 26/01/2022 21:44

I'm so sorry OP. Sounds like he was a wonderful dad. Thanks

crosbystillsandmash · 26/01/2022 21:45

@warnc007

Thank you, he was brilliant, like many dads, always there when I needed him, he was mostly retired but has been volunteering for months at our local vaccine centre to help out the NHS.
What a star! You can all be very proud that he did something so important just before he died. Please keep talking on here, don't be alone op x
HeronLanyon · 26/01/2022 21:46

testa support winging your way too. It’s so so tough. So are we. Sound like you did right to take that time off. I was kind of opposite and found getting back to some work helpful at the time but I’m not so sure now. Support all.

Soaringhigh · 26/01/2022 21:48

I’m sorry for your loss, OP. I lost my dad suddenly in October. He was 73. He was the light of my life. There will be good and bad days but you will get through it. Hugs.

Omicrone · 26/01/2022 21:52

Oh I'm so sorry to read this OP, how completely devastating for all of you. He sounds like a fantastic man, and that you will have wonderful memories of him forever Flowers

Mycatsgoldtooth · 26/01/2022 21:57

I’m so very sorry. He sounds lovely. Take care of yourself the next few days, you’ve had an awful shock with him being so active and being such a big part of your lives and that if your community xx

LaundryandDirt · 26/01/2022 21:59

So sorry for your loss. What a shock for you.

Cigfree · 26/01/2022 22:14

It’s such an awful thing to go through, but the love from your family and friends will get you there. Your dad sounds like a great man, take comfort in that. Look after yourself. Flowers

toomuchlaundry · 26/01/2022 22:18

I am so sorry Flowers

TellerTuesday · 27/01/2022 06:48

I'm so sorry OP Thanks

My grandad died the same way 10 years ago. He'd been pottering in the greenhouse and garden all morning, came in to make lunch (cheese on toast) and dropped dead in the kitchen. It was a massive shock for us all, no ill health and active right up until then.

It's only really now when my gran (his wife) has passed just before Christmas after a long illness that I can see it was the best way for him to go. He was a strong man all his life, would have been awful to watch him get older & weaker like she did.

cptartapp · 27/01/2022 06:54

I too lost a parent suddenly, my DM was 69 and killed in an accident. My DF had already died young too at 54.
73 is no age. I coped by making lists of things to do. My practical head kept me going. That first month was the absolute worst.
I'm so very sorry.

camperqueen54 · 27/01/2022 07:02

So sorry op. A lovely dad 💐

zara020 · 29/01/2022 09:50

Condolences for your loss. I have also had a sudden loss in my life in recent weeks and I know the indescribable pain.
You are in my thoughts x

Eminia · 28/03/2022 09:01

I’m so sorry for the loss of your dad. My dad just passed away 4 weeks ago. It wasn’t sudden but the last 2 weeks watching him felt sudden and I am still in shock how his body went so downhill so quick. He was also 73 and lived for his family and grandchildren.
I don’t think there’s an easy way of losing someone. If it’s sudden you don’t get to say goodbye but if it’s not you see them suffer and they know what’s coming.
I’m really struggling to understand what life is all about right now and trying to work out answers . One thing that constantly goes on In my head is is there an afterlife. I don’t want to believe he’s gone x

Reluctantadult · 28/03/2022 09:05

Sending solidarity. We are going to my lovely fil's funeral today. He died of a heart attack at home 2 weeks ago. Flowers

Sailorsusan · 28/03/2022 09:07

Hi OP, how are you getting on? I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad suddenly at 71. Very similar circumstances. Thinking of you. Flowers

gemloving · 28/03/2022 09:10

It sounds like you had a wonderful dad who was loved by so many. I'm very sorry for your loss Thanks

My3cents1 · 28/03/2022 09:11

So sorry for your loss. May his memory stay warm in your hearts and sharp in your minds until you are reunited. Love and hugs to you and your family xx

warnc007 · 28/03/2022 21:18

@sailorsusan We're not doing too badly, I think. Still have lots of rough days or times where I wake up having forgotten and then I remember, but we're beginning to create our new normal. We're definitely spending more time together (mum, brother and my family now) which is lovely. I am so unbelievably proud of my mum and how she's coping as I cannot imagine what it's like for her.
@Eminia sorry to hear that you've experienced the loss of your dad as well, my dad believed in some kind of afterlife and I take comfort from that.

OP posts:
LifeIsHardAlways · 28/03/2022 21:35

My dad was 57 and died out of the blue two years ago. Like your dad he had been fine with no indication of a problem. He suddenly said he couldn’t breathe and collapsed. I performed cpr on him and the team of paramedics and doctor tried, but he was completely gone.
We had to have a PM done due to his age and it being unexpected (also had the police out). They found he suffered from a massive pulmonary embolism. He’d had no signs of a clot in his legs, so this was completely unexpected.
It has taken a very long time to start feeling ok, and for your mum who saw him gone and did cpr, expect her to suffer from trauma in the coming months. Having seen my own mum go through the grief and trauma, I know it can be catastrophic, so try and be there for her as much as yiu can, and if you’re able help with making various agencies aware etc.
So sorry, but I can honestly it will get better x

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