Letters to leave for loved ones.

[youkiddingme]

Apart from how much you are loved. What would you like to read in a letter left for you from a loved one you have lost? (will and practical details dealt with separately). Need help to write these.

FIL wrote about his experiences bringing up children, how to let go of arguments and reminded us to support each other no matter what.

There was some stuff about looking after MIL, flowers on their anniversary and suchlike. Also detailed instructions on what to do with his garden.

Permission to laugh and be happy.

Hope this is contingency and not need for you.

I’d like to know how much I mean to them. The things you think about but never say. Things when I was little (if from parents), little stories. Mainly that they loved me.
I’m tearing up writing this. I wish my loved ones had left me a letter, I hoped they had and looked for one, but they hadn’t. It’s a lovely idea.

My parents died when I was a young adult. I would have loved to know their feelings on how they felt when I was born - they did talk about when I was born but only practical stuff eg I was a foreceps baby, was a week early etc. I’m nearly 50 and would have also loved my mum’s advice on the menopause and work - she’d just finished the menopause when she died.

Advice. Think about the hardest, thorniest, most painful situation that they might ever be in, and write what your advice would be.

My mother is still alive (I’m sixties) and I dread the time when I can no longer ask for her advice ❤️

I know you will have to be generic, but something genuine that they can look at again and again will be so valuable. Even if it’s ‘don’t worry about the small things, don’t deliberately be unkind to people, don’t sacrifice your own happiness’. If I had that from a loved one it would be like a little reminder of what matters, that I could re read when I needed to.

There are books like from a mum to a daughter which includes lots of information and prompts re your history. I bought my mum one and we were going to do it together but didn't have time. She did make notes but I haven't been able to read them yet but am comforted that they are there if that makes sense. Like pp Also hoping this is a contingency not a need for you x

Maybe specific occasions that you recall and think of fondly about a person.
Or specific details of what you like about them. Maybe their eye colour or their laugh.

family history, i cry at the thought of not hearing my mom's stories of snow, meals, her aunts etc.

These are all fantastic, thank you so much.
Just contingency Dilbertian - sorry should have said.

My son is an only child who we adopted when he was 4.5

Apart from the obvious about how much I love him and how much his love has changed me I think I would write a combination of memories of him from day 1 to when I wrote it and perhaps things about me and what my life has meant / what makes me smile, sad , laugh etc and sone "Mum tips / advice"

Actually I may include some music f amongst it all and I guess I may record it so he has my "voice" and it's more like I'm chatting to him

My DS is 14

I found a to do list that my dh wrote shortly before dying and it was painful to read. I think I would obsess too much over particular wording with no chance to ask what they meant. I wouldn't risk it.

Having received one of these, you can never write all the things the recipient would need or wish to hear. There's so much and it changes over time. You could fill books with all the advice and guidance they may have sought from you, and still not cover it all. As years pass, the message feels less relevant and becomes dated anyway. It represents a moment in time.

What matters the most to me is simply having the letter and knowing what it represents, why they wrote it, that they wrote it, the effort it took for them to write it. Having the letter gives me what I need.

I’ve been living with (and looking after) my folks for some years now.

Mam has dementia and I’ve been blessed with more stories of the past than I know what to do with. It has been an honour and a delight.

I know what my letter is. It was let slip. It is my mam’s book of recipes and tips and it is all in mam’s writing. Priceless.

But if I could choose, I would also love to know they were proud of me and what I’ve achieved despite things. Just to know that I mattered to someone.