How to help my DD

[MrsAliceRichards]

Hi there,

I'm just wondering if anyone has any suggestions or words of wisdom as to how to help my nine year old daughter. My dad passed away very suddenly recently and after the initial upset she was ok for a period and disgraced by Christmas but for the last few weeks she's sobbing herself to sleep most nights. My parents live on the same road as we do and so my kids have grown up seeing them every single day so this is a massive lost and life shift for her. I don't know what to do to help her and just wondered if anyone has any suggestions at all bar reassuring her that it's normal to feel as she does, we all feel the same as her, being so upset shows how much she loved and misses him. I'm at a loss as to how to help her beyond that though. I'm also find it extremely upsetting seeing her like this when I'm beyond upset myself but now trying not to show it at times in case it adds to her upset. Any wisdom, suggestions at all very welcome and much appreciated.

So sorry for your loss. It must be such a tought time for you. I hope you're managing to look after yourself first and foremost.

I'm a big fan of both modeling and validating. So you model how grief is okay and normal: it's okay to cry and be sad, it's also okay to continue normal life and to laugh and enjoy things. But also to listen to her and reassure her that all feelings and thoughts are okay and that you're there for her. I think it's totally okay to show your upset to her even if it upsets her more. You can tell her that sadness isn't anything to be scared of. It's just a feeling and one that you can both cope with and get through. I sometimes tell my children that feelings are like clouds. Even if it rains heavily now and it's not nice being wet, it'll eventually always pass. Sending lots of warm hugs. It sounds like you're such a lovely, caring mum.

You are in my prayers.

So sorry OP, that must be so hard for you all. Does she have anything of your dads, perhaps a shirt or a book of his etc.
I would also get comfortable enough with telling happy, funny stories involving him, so she understands life is a cycle and death is a time to reflect and remember.