Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

I am going to lose Mum soon, next few hours

147 replies

marmitecake · 15/01/2022 20:54

I've never really been someone to start posts and have been on MN for ten years but tonight I need to reach out. I'm with my beloved DM in her nursing home and she has only a little time left, maybe a few hours. She's so young really - in my eyes, just 78. I knew it was coming as she's been so ill, in and out of hospital for three years, but not so soon. I just don't know how I'm going to get over this as well as support my two teenagers and my DF in their grief. We've had such a close relationship over the years and she's such a fantastic mum and grandma. How on earth do you move on.

OP posts:

Beamur · 15/01/2022 20:58

Hugs. Short answer - you just do, one day at a time, one milestone after another. You will grieve because you have been close and the love that you have enjoyed will comfort you. Life is not the same, but you learn to live with your loss.
I can remember how painful these last few hours were when my Mum died too.
Thinking of you.

Dottyteapot · 15/01/2022 20:58

I’m so sorry your going through this.

Just take each hour as it comes- you’re with your mum now, when she need you most and that’ll bring you comfort in time.

I’m thinking of you and your mum at this heartbreaking time xx

userxx · 15/01/2022 21:02

Take things minute by minute, am thinking of you and your mum too 💐

dillydallydollydaydream7 · 15/01/2022 21:04

Thinking of you and your mum OP

AlDanvers · 15/01/2022 21:05

Hi, I am so sorry you are going through this and facing losing your beloved mum.

I can't tell you how you get through it. Mum died, suddenly, in December. I am getting through it by just taking one hour (sometimes just one minute) at a time. Distracting myself with frivolous stuff on occasion. Works actually helped.

My grandad passed in similar circumstances as your mum's. Me, my mum and her sisters just sat and talked, while waiting for it to happen. That's how we got through that part.

Are you alone with her, do you have someone with you? Do you have plenty of support for after.

My eldest (almost 18) has given lots of support to me and dad. We have supported her, but as she is older it's been mutual. I am sure your kids will want to support you too.

Mum was such a great nana, my heart broke for my kids on top of everything else.

I will be thinking of you and your family. You need to remember to take care of yourself too.

ToJabOrNotToJab · 15/01/2022 21:06

Thinking of you. Try to take some small comfort in the fact that you are able to be with her. It's so shit, I'm very sorry

Sunshineandrainbow · 15/01/2022 21:09

I am so sorry. You will get through it but for now cherish tonight. Play music, talk about her life, hold her hand.

LoveFall · 15/01/2022 21:10

Hugs OP. I am thinking of you so strongly. I sat with my Mum and my Dad as they slipped away. So hard. Keep talking to her if you can. We sang to my Dad and I am sure he heard,

Take care of yourself.

MarthaHanson · 15/01/2022 21:11

I’ll be thinking of you and your lovely mum tonight OP. As a pp has suggested take it minute by minute. Hold her hand, talk to her if it feels right. You are doing something so loving for her.

thaegumathteth · 15/01/2022 21:11

I'm sorry. You're in the thick of it just now, don't question all your emotions would be my first tip. Don't worry if you are confused or upset or actually if you feel numb or even, as I did with my dad, slightly relieved his suffering was over. Whatever you feel is ok and right.

Things do get easier, do you have support for yourself?

longcoffeebreak · 15/01/2022 21:14

sending so much love.My Mum has just been diagnosed with cancer and is fading fast she is the same age as yours and I can't bear it.I crashed my bike today because I can't think straight or concentrate. My sons are so close to her too...

VioletLemon · 15/01/2022 21:16

I'm so sorry OP, I've been where you are and you do get through it in time. I found I was existing in a bit of a haze and found it almost impossible to process but I did eventually come through it. If you can just sit with it, be as present as you can. I promise you will get through it, you sound like such a lovely person. Your Mum must be very proud of you. Thinking of you x

BumbleNova · 15/01/2022 21:16

Holding your hand from here OP. I hope you find comfort in the hours to come being there with her.

It's nearly 4 years to the day since my mum died. It's taken a lot of time and some brilliant bereavement support but this will not drag you under I promise. There is still life and love. She will still always be with you. You will carry her and her love with you and that will never change.

Luredbyapomegranate · 15/01/2022 21:17

So sorry to hear this. I will think of you tonight.

I was with my mum when she died and hard though it was I am really glad I was - that she brought me into the world, and I could be with her when she left it, seemed very right.

Hold her hand and talk to her if you like, remember all the nice times. When it gets nearer to the end, the nurses might suggest you tell her that it’s OK to go.

It will be very hard at first but I have found that grief is something you live alongside. It does get less raw, it doesn’t go away, but you will experience joy in the future and all the good things your mum would want to you. Your mum will always be with you, so while it will be very different, you can never loose her completely.

DowntonCrabby · 15/01/2022 21:17

I’ll be thinking of you and your DM over the next hours OP

What a wonderful DM & DGM it sounds as though she has been to you all. To be desperately loved in her passing, sadly missed when she has gone and fondly remembered forever will be such a touching legacy to a wonderful lady

chillydownwiththefiregang · 15/01/2022 21:19

Thinking of you OP and your DM xx

Hortensia16 · 15/01/2022 21:21

Thinking of you. I've been there, and it's awful, but I promise you that it will all be ok in time. Well done for reaching out. It will help I think x

SaintVal · 15/01/2022 21:23

I'm so sad for you OP and I know what you're going through as I lost my Mum exactly a year ago today. She was only 73 and in a home with Alzheimer's (and covid) during lockdown so I wasn't actually with her when she passed away. I miss her terribly but I think of all the good times and the fab life she had before she became ill. She is no longer suffering or in pain. You will get through it because life just ticks on by. It is hard and I hope you have people around you IRL that you can talk to and turn to for support. Take care of yourself 💐

DebbieHarrysCheekbones · 15/01/2022 21:24

Just want to write that I am thinking of you and will be over the next few hours
I’m so sorry
There surely is never an easy way to get through being beside one of the loves of your life when they pass. Just be there and tell her how much you Iove her. The rest you will just have to figure out as we must since the awful but also uplifting truth is that oldie goes on as she would want it to for you even though this is one of the hardest goodbyes.
At this point and for a quite some time here on it it is going to be not even one day hit a few moments at a time. But one day those moments will become hours and then a day. She will still always be with you though.

Sending you much love. ❤️

DebbieHarrysCheekbones · 15/01/2022 21:25

So sorry that should read as life goes on not oldie.

Thinkbiglittleone · 15/01/2022 21:26

Thinking of you and your brilliant mum

It is truly heartbreaking especially when you have such a close and wonderful bond. But it does get better, I never believed it when people told me that, I'm into 3 years now without my amazing mum, and it doesn't hurt any less, I just deal with it better and you will too.

You will just cope, you will cope for your kids, you will cope for your DF and then you will learn to cope for you.
There is no right way to feel, just do it the way feels right for you.

whoopstheregoesmyshouldet · 15/01/2022 21:27

@BumbleNova lovely words. It just becomes a smaller part of the overall picture doesn't it? You're there and in itself this will bring you comfort in time. Sending love

HelpMeHiveMind · 15/01/2022 21:28

Thinking of you OP. Try not to even worry about moving on tonight - you never really do, but you do cope, and the pain lessens over time. I hope there is comfort in being with her at the end- I'm sure it certainly is a comfort to her and a wonderful thing you can do for her. I was devastated when my DF died that I saw him just before but could not be there on the day due to hospital rules and living in a different country- years later, when all the rawness has faded, that will always be the biggest regret. Cherish every last hand hold and chance to tell her you love her. Sending hugs and strength.

Original poster

marmitecake · 15/01/2022 21:28

These messages are wonderful and helping, they really are, and I'm so grateful. I can barely read without my glasses which I forgot in the rush to get here but thank you, I'm getting the gist of most. I'm so fortunate to actually be with her in the home as I know that's not the case for many. I've been playing music and chatting to mum and trying to not get too weepy as I know she will be able to hear me. The senior nurse tonight has held my hand and gone through a few medical things pointing to a possibility that it could even be a day or so still despite being called earlier suggesting I come in. I'm on my own now as DF, DB, DD and DNephew have been and gone. She suggested I go home overnight but I'm not sure.
xx

OP posts:

Hugasauras · 15/01/2022 21:31

Thinking of you, OP. I read something recently that resonated with me about how when someone passes, there is no need to rush. You don't have to make calls immediately, contact anyone, etc. You can sit there and be in that space with her for as long as you want. You can open the window and let the air in. You can hold her hands. You can just sit in silence with her beside you. There is no need to get on with life or get the ball rolling on all the stuff that needs to be done. You can just be, you and her together, for as long as you want.

Thinking of you tonight

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread