Advice needed re return to work

[Poppy05]

Hi, You may be familiar with my current situation as I have posted on other threads, but to summarise, my mum died last November from bowel cancer. It is just me and my dad left at home now. He is 83 and has MS and other age related health problems, but can manage day to day with my help and if/when I return to work.

I have been off work (small 2 partner firm) since my mum deteriorated last October. I used the rest of my annual leave/compassionate leave, then took unpaid leave and was paid SSP for last month, although they have not asked for a sick note.

Our office manager e-mailed me late yesterday asking if I would like to return at the beginning of February and I would like some advice on how to reply and what my position is. I don’t feel at all ready to go back and don’t think this is likely to change in the next few weeks. I have been really struggling since mum’s death and my dad also being in poor health isn’t helping. I have started on anti-depressants and counselling and do not feel I could return to work until I am in a better position mentally.

I would have given my notice in at Christmas and looked for something else when I felt better. I have been in the job for 10 years and feel it may be a good time for a change, but this caused an argument with my dad. We have always had quite a difficult relationship and he is not very sympathetic to the fact that I am struggling ( I know he is too but bottles it up). I know he is concerned for my future and I know I will have to go back there/somewhere else eventually, but I don’t feel I will be ready for some time.

I was going to ask the doctor to sign me off sick when they review my medication. I understand I can receive SSP for up to 28 weeks and that the company can claim this back. The main things I would like to know are if they can dismiss me/ask me to resign even with a sick note and also, if I were to apply for other jobs later on, would companies be put off by someone having been on sick leave for a long time (I have never been on long term sick before in all the years I have been working).

Any advice would be welcome.

I agree with HELLITHURT that your reason for not returning sounds like it’s developed from grief to anxiety about going back.

It’s a jobseeker’s market at the moment OP. Rather than applying for similar roles, you’d be surprised what you’ll be invited to interview for.

What kind of job would you like to do, or feel like you could do? There’s lots of non-customer facing/dealing with roles out there.

@HELLITHURT
I have been sending them sick notes every month and explaining they will be reviewed once they expire, but then they e-mail me suggesting dates for me to return. I’m not convinced they are right about the sick pay either and the GP herself said it did not sound like I was ready to go back.

You are right in that a lot of it is about me not enjoying my job and that my mum’s death has compounded this. She herself used to say I was in the wrong job for my personality and if I was in a less stressful job I probably would have gone back earlier.

@ItWasPeculiarButBearable

Basically anything less stressful and more enjoyable than I am doing now. I have contacted a few places such as our local library, vets, charity shops to see if they could offer any volunteering work/work experience. I don’t enjoy working in a busy office environment. I have always thought I would like to work with animals, but opportunities seem few and far between and require experience.

After the length of time you have been off, and with no reasonable prospect of your return, they are entitled to sack you. This comes under ‘incapacity to do the job’ which is nobody’s fault.
Could you offer to come back on phased return with shorter hours and less demanding duties to begin? (Ex union rep).

The thing that stood out to me is that you said early on that you have a difficult relationship with your dad, plus he's clearly pushing you to fund him (whether or not it's in your interests)... Yet nevertheless you're looking after his care, and now struggling mentally.

Is there a reason that you feel so obliged in this circumstance? Have you explored what local care he might be eligible for?

You will both be better off if you're able to work and earn, and the routine and time away from work and from caring for someone who isn't very nice to you would probably be good too.

It's not fair to a small firm for them to have to hold a job open while you give month to month sick notes with no real desire to go back to work ever. It's also not right for you to end up building so much anxiety that you could end up on very long term sickness, you need to put the focus on your recovery and if your dad cares for you (or even pragmatically wants the best for himself), he should be helping.

@0verTheRubicon
It is not that he is looking for me to fund him. He has quite a lot in savings as well as his pensions. His main concern is that he may have to go into a care home in the future and there won’t be any money left for me when he dies, so I need to keep working long enough to at least receive a full state pension. A lot of how he treats me is out of fear of what will happen to me when he is gone, as I am currently single so may only have my own income to rely on and my job is quite low paid.

What I was really trying to find out when posting was whether my work is correct in saying that I am now no longer eligible for sick pay.

There is an SSP calculator you can use for sick pay.

Things that might be relevant are:

• If you've had other sick leave of over 4 days within previous 8 weeks they can treat it as linked, which might be relevant
• While they can pay you for up to 28 weeks, they're not under an obligation to do so. A small company can absolutely say that they can no longer cover your work with existing staff members, and won't be able to attract another one on this rolling month to month basis and therefore you would need to leave due to incapacity to do the job. Therefore it's not so much about eligibility for sick pay, but them needing to fill the position. So in that case the limit can be down to the business: ability to manage headcount vs statutory maximums.

Since I last posted I have e-mailed the Office Manager a couple of times asking her to clarify the position regarding the SSP etc, to which she has not replied.

In the meantime I had an interview for another job, which I was then offered and accepted. I e-mailed the Office Manager again last Friday to hand in my notice and she has not responded. I realise we have just had the bank holiday weekend and she will be catching up, but she hasn’t replied to my two previous e-mails either. I was paid my usual SSP for last month and sent my pay slip, but other than that have heard nothing from her for weeks.

I am not worried about how it affects this job, as I have handed my notice in, but am concerned about how it may affect any reference the new firm requests or whether she has not replied because they have already contacted her and she is annoyed I am going somewhere else after they held the job open.

I am also supposed to be giving the new firm a start date and it is difficult for me to give this until I know the position regarding notice etc. I don’t think they will require me to work this given the current situation, but I need this clarifying.

They have also never explained the position regarding the SSP and from what I have read I should be entitled to some holiday pay etc?

They were full of sympathy the first few months I was off, but now they are not responding to me and it is not helping my stress levels.

Any advice?

Can anyone help? I have tried contacting my old employer again but they are still not responding to me.