It's been almost a month since my mum died. Why don't I feel anything?

[ShouldersBackChestOutChinUp]

She was old and ill. It was a dignified death. I loved my mum.

But I just don't feel anything. The occasional moment of sadness when I remember I don't have to telephone her to remind her to be cautious in this Omicron wave.

What's wrong with me? I don't have feelings of disbelief or anything. I know and accept she's dead.

Her funeral is delayed because of Covid cases in the family. Perhaps the funeral will jolt me. But I feel like I'm some sort of unfeeling moo, carrying on as normal.

I've not felt anything since mine died in 2020... we're all different OP. just be kind to yourself and don't let people tell you what you should think or feel.

Slightly different, but I've had the experience of waiting for acceptance of a death to kick in, but it actually never has. I know the death has happened but its like I carry on like it never did iyswim.
I think it's because it's too unbearable to face for me.

Had she been ill for a while? Did you work through your grief then, rather than when she died? DDad was ill for 12 years. For the last 3 or 4 of those, he was clearly never going to get better. By the time he actually died, we’d all made our peace with that. His death was closure to the grieving process, rather than the start.

There is nothing wrong with you. A month is not very long at all.

Just be aware that your feelings may well change over the next few weeks and months.

Strange you should post this as I'm the same and I've been feeling guilty. My siblings are devastated but I'm not.

Mine passed three months ago after being ill for about a year. She wasn't in pain and died peacefully, and I feel like I've accepted it and moved on. I'm grateful that she had a happy life and that she didn't suffer at the end.

I do have fleeting sad moments when I think of phoning her or wherever, but when I hear other people talk about being overwhelmed with grief I just don't identify with it. Friends keep telling me "be careful as it will hit you hard one day". Who knows?

People grieve in different ways.

I would be the same as you, upset and sad, but not an emotional wreck. It doesn’t mean you don’t care.

I’ve always thought I’m more ‘stiff upper lip’ when it comes to emotions, rather than the more ‘wearing your emotions on your sleeve’ type of person.

I don't have feelings of disbelief or anything. I know and accept she's dead

You said she was old and ill - what happened was the natural end to her life. There is no reason why you should have any dramatic feelings about this, honestly. Just be glad that her life came to a peaceful end, as we all hope for .

There is no right on wrong way to grieve OP. Be kind to yourself.

I'm sorry for your loss

I lost my dad 2 years ago after a stroke and a couple of weeks in hospital. He was very old and would never have recovered. I feel tbh very little about it.

I look back to the past and realise how normal it is to lose people throughout life. The truth is that not all deaths are traumatic losses, grief can be very simple. You will always think of her from time to time, she left her legacy in you and it doesn't have to be a burden.

I have been wondering lately what I would be like.
My mum is fine atm, but very elderly. I dont think she has been to a funeral of someone older than her in about 4 years, or more.
If she goes to say a county event, she is the oldest person there.
How can I mourn her passing? But we shall see.

op, the other difference is that you accept her death.
I know people who dont accept someone's death, two years on or more.
Acceptance is a key.

@IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads

Had she been ill for a while? Did you work through your grief then, rather than when she died? DDad was ill for 12 years. For the last 3 or 4 of those, he was clearly never going to get better. By the time he actually died, we’d all made our peace with that. His death was closure to the grieving process, rather than the start.

I couldn't have put it better myself, thank you.

This especially: His death was closure to the grieving process, rather than the start.

I have lost both parents and a sibling due to drawn out illnesses. My overwhelming feeling at the end in all three cases was relief. As a pp said, not all deaths are traumatic. Your mum died in the natural order. It's okay to feel - or not feel - as you do.

Sorry for your loss op
It's ok and perfectly fine to feel like this. I was similar when my mum passed. While others around me were falling apart and going through all the different stages of grief, I missed that bit and jumped straight to remembering all the happy times. She was similar when my dad died - I think we were very alike in that way. To me - she's still here in my heart and my happy memories keep me smiling whenever I think of her.

I have very similar feelings and it's good to know that others feel the same as I was thinking that there was something wrong with me emotionally. My mum died in June, she was ill with cancer and we knew it was terminal, but her death was quite sudden and unexpected. After the initial shock wore off I wasn't really grieving or emotional in the same way that other friends and family were. I was much more upset and emotional when she was ill and there was so much uncertainty.
A few months on, I miss her an awful lot and it still feels so unfair that she's gone too soon, but I'm starting to be able to remember her as she was when she was well and how her voice sounded, and feel sad about her loss in a way I couldn't straight after she died.
I think everyone grieves differently and that's ok.

Perfectly normal OP - if you look at previous threads on here you get someone asking that same question every few months.

A couple of years ago that person was me. I loved my Mum dearly; she had been unwell for some time; she died and I sat entirely dry eyed through the memorial that I had organized, through the burial that I had organized, while sorting out her headstone...
I too wondered what on earth was wrong with me, as I'd lost many people before and grieved "normally" for them (when FiL died I wept every day for six months).
Spoke to some friends though, and apparently this is just a less common, little-spoken-of variation on "normal". We just don't realize, because we assume (correctly, usually) that the bereaved are weeping in private. Now, sometimes that's true (I know I've done a lot of crying in loos in my time) but sometimes they're just not crying. And we have no idea until we become one of the x % who aren't.

In my case I had already seen a lot of deaths after age and illness; I think part of it is that I do now accept that everyone's body packs up eventually and then you just end up hanging around feeling awful until death comes along, and then, well - at least you don't feel awful any more.

Over two years later and I am starting to miss her and I do cry sometimes. I still do accept that she was so unwell and uncureable that dying was the least worst option. But I unearth old letters, postcards, gift tags and sometimes the tears come, now.

As long as your behaviour is appropriate don't worry about it. I sat there like a lemon at her memorial while everyone else wept, really resenting that I could not. I hated it! So if this happens to you, you are not alone, and let me offer a virtual and .

@Frymetothemoon

There is no right on wrong way to grieve OP. Be kind to yourself.

I'm sorry for your loss

So sorry for your loss OP. @Frymetothemoon is exactly right.

Don't rush it - you may or may not find that the funeral jolts something in you.

My mum died ten years ago. My best friend's mum died last month and in the process of supporting her, grief for my own loss completely knocked me sideways (obviously I didn't tell my friend that).

I am sorry for your loss op. When my granddad died last year i only cried once but my mum and grandma fell apart. It has been almost a year since he died nd i feel far worse now than i did when he died. I cry most days now.