To not be upset that my father has died

[Mummacake]

So, my father passed away last month following a drawn out illness. He lived overseas for the last 20+ yrs. Tbf, he had everything he wanted, passed away at home surrounded by his kids n partner. This is where I struggle, some of my siblings are bereft yet I feel empty, not grieving or anything. Just a bit matter of fact. I'm usually quite an emotional person but days before he died he "mentioned' that I was going to be adopted but he had saved me in some way. I tried to ask questions but he pretended to be sleeping - definitely pretended. In all honesty I'm not that bothered as he wasn't a good father at all, a very selfish man in fact & my memories as a child weren't particularly nice. I guess my question is, am I OK to not feel overwhelmed with grief? He put a lot of pressure on me in his final months despite me having a family to deal with with no consideration at all, yet I still tried to do the right thing. In the end, he basically shafted everyone so I'm not sure that anyone is overly impressed with being saddled with a load of crappy & unnecessary debt. Am I a selfish cow or am I within my rights to think, sod it?

i think therapy would be a great help, in time.

I love(d) my parent very much, she was a good mum and I had a great childhood and she lived close by so we saw each other a lot. She died a year ago after a short illness.

I wasn't bereft, I'm not bereft.

She had a great life.

It's what happens.

Thanks, I think you're both right. He had a decent life and left it happy. I was not going to be adopted so maybe counselling would help me figure out if he was thinking I was someone else at the time as his partner had been adopted, or if he was being unpleasant for which he had form.
I guess I asked as a family member referred to me as cold & heartless but then again, I thought she was overly dramatic as did most present. Families area funny thing.

We are all unique and we all grieve uniquely

There is no one size fits all - How you grieve is whatever you feel is best for you and you alone