Will I ever enjoy Christmas again?

[peachgreen]

DH died in October 2020, very suddenly. He was the absolute love of my life, my soulmate, the perfect partner from me - he complemented me in every way. Today has been so, so sad. I used to love Christmas so much but today I painted on a smile for my DD and did the best I could but I was miserable every moment. I hated it. And I'm so sad because it was such a special time of year for me and DH. We did it so well. And he would be so gutted to think that I wasn't enjoying it any more, or that I wouldn't be able to properly appreciate it with DD. What he wouldn't give to be here with her for it...

Will Christmas ever be good again? One of the things I find the hardest about grief is the fact that I can't see a time when life won't be worse than it would have been if DH was still here. I don't know how I can go on for the next thirty, forty, fifty years knowing that my happiness peaked for the 8 year period we were together. That seems so, so cruel. How can one keep going?

Sorry for the ramble. I feel very alone.

Hi, I don't have any advice and cannot even begin to imagine the pain you're going through. I am here though. Tell me about him and your dd

My dad died on 5th December his funeral in the 19th I was 20 at time (27 now)
Me and my dad loved everything about Christmas happiest month of the year so excited to put the tree up etc best thing ever.

That year, I threw the tree across the room I screamed with rage and pain and sadness I sore blind I would never do Christmas again it would never be fun I don't want anything todo with it, I ate dinner shut in my bedroom that year with not single decoration up.

As years went on I couldn't help myself not get trap in to the Christmas spirit of things it was hard it was painful but at same time life went on around me and I felt like all I was doing was holding myself back from that happy feeling again it took time and still now 7years later I'm not where I wanna be with Christmas but I'm getting better at it

Take your time but when it starting to feel more like a chore to be unhappy then happy with certain things that will be time change

I'm so sorry for what happened to you x

peach

I have read a lot of your posts about your dh and you write from the heart in such a touching way.

I’ve no words of wisdom. I’ve not known the love of a husband like yours. I’ll probably not say this right.

What I think though is that you did Christmas in his honour. And although it was so very hard for you, it is a testament to your love that you tried.

And I hope you find a new happy. A different happy. All the while knowing you had the ultimate happy.

One thing for this little corner of the Internet is that you aren’t alone. And someone far better than I will be along who also know your pain and can help you better.

Thinking of you

I’ve read many of your posts peachgreen and the love you feel for your DH shines through in every word. I’m sorry you’re feeling so alone tonight. I’ve got no real words of wisdom but I’m sure there will be lots of MNnetters here to keep you company. Take care of yourself. 💐

Hi @peachgreen drop me a pm from way fb page if u like. As u will know from there I lost my partner only 2mths ago tomorrow so yesterday was very hard but also bit of a numb haze and I like u can't imagine doing this for nxt 30/40 yrs

So sorry for everyone that has suffered losses, it’s really hard, we are feeling it this year too, DH mum died recently, life isn’t the same when you lose someone your love so dearly.