(Long-term regular poster, NC as outing)
My mother died suddenly last weekend. She was frail and had various health issues but we had no reason to expect her sudden death now. In fact, she'd been doing well over the last few weeks. She was found by a neighbour and I went down and saw her body, before the ambulance took her.
My father died many years ago and I was very involved in his care (my parents were separated) so I have been through this before, but my dad died after a long illness, and in hospital. Although I am glad my mum died at home, which is what she would have wanted, I am really, really struggling with the feeling of the ground being ripped from under my feet by her sudden loss.
My mother wasn't an easy person at all, and wasn't, if I am honest, particularly warm or loving towards me, but she wasn't malicious either. Though I recognised her difficult traits, and was often driven mad by them, I still loved her.
I am the oldest of my siblings and cousins and I am now the last person left who remembers lots of things about my childhood, and relatives who died before my sibs/cousins were old enough to remember them. I feel that a whole generation has been lost with her passing. I feel very lonely, though my DH and friends have been very kind.
It's so hard.