mum passed away

[Noracora]

My mum passed away 3 days ago. I've not been anywhere since. Got a friend to take the youngest two to school.
Two of my children are in primary and still very much into Christmas and we had things booked for next week.
I really don't feel like celebrating but know it would be unfair to the children to cancel but I feel guilty cancelling and feel guilty going.
The eldest has a Christmas performace tonight and again I really don't know what to do, she wants to still go so feel I should but don't feel festive.
Mum would probably want me to take the children but I feel so guilty going outside the house and know going to festive events will make me feel like i'm betraying mum.

Justand if your mum would have wanted you to go, and you're up to it... (I suppose not everyone's always truly feeling 'festive' for all sorts of reasons) Very tough am sure xx

God love you
Like you said your mum would have wanted you to go.
If you feel up to it I would go and spend time with your children. Children are great for taking your mind off things.
I hate Christmas since Dd1 died but I always put on a face for dd2(6) who is sooo excited about Santa then I go off by myself and have a cry.
If you really can't face it that's ok. Just do whatever gets you through.
Take care of yourself.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

To be honest I don’t think you can trust your feelings with this because everything is a bit all over the place. Nothing is going to feel right for a bit.

Thank you all.
ParkheadParadise sending you big hugs.

My dad died 3 days ago too... we have festive stuff for the kids planned this weekend and I don't know how I am going to face doing it as I feel like I want to sit at home and stare at a wall. I think for me it's such early days I am in shock and going through the motions so I will probably go along to these things we have planned for the kids sake, but my head will be somewhere else completely. Big love, from someone in a very similar boat x

Sending you much love Sally. Hope you can get through this busy but difficult period. I've got myself dressed to go to the eldests event tonight but know that when I get there it will probably ease the pain for a little while but also just want to stay in my pj's like I have for the past 3 days.
It's what others will think aswell if I still take the children to things that were planned but if I just remain in my pj's like I have done then I feel I'm letting the children down. Like you I think I will maybe still take them but my head will be elsewhere. Love and hugs xxx

So sorry for both of your losses.

I'm a year down the line, my mum died last year. One plus from covid meant all of the Christmassy events that we would have normally done were cancelled. Having said that I over compensated by buying way too many presents for my dd.

In no way will you betray your mum if you do things to make your children feel better. I understand how hard it is just to keep going. Luckily I sent my dd to her dads for a few days, but I missed her so much it felt good to have her back.

Do you have someone else who could take your children to the show tonight?

So sorry to OP and to anyone else who has lost a loved one just before Christmas. It's such a difficult time for people who have been bereaved. I think it's understandable that you don't feel like going, but if you possibly can, I would try to keep things as normal for your dc as they can be. It's OK if you can't, though.

You said that your mum would want you to take the children, so there is definitely nothing to feel guilty about. Just take each day one day at a time.

Just sending you a really big virtual hug, I'm so so sorry, bless your heart xxxxx

So sorry for your loss OP and for the other posters on this thread who have told us their losses.
I lost my mum a few years ago at this time, and it just sucked.
💐 to all.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Please do all you wanted to do. Not doing it won't change your grief but it will give the children something nice in a difficult time.

Your mum would want you to give your kids a good Christmas. It's going to be tempered with sadness but you are definitely not betraying your mum, the opposite is the case. Give your kids lots of hugs and explain you are sad but you want to do things with them

I lost my mum almost 6 months ago - the pain in those early days is unbearable. I couldn’t really imagine doing anything. But in the end I found it helped a little, because sitting with my thoughts was worse.

But do what you think will help you. No one will judge you.

I promise it does get a little easier. I still feel absolutely bereft at times. But the pain in those early days is unbearable. Sending you love

So sorry for your loss

I am so sorry for your loss.
Your mum would want DC to still be able to enjoy Christmas to whatever extent you can manage to do it, so try not to feel guilty about doing things for them. It really is just a case of putting one foot in front of the other, taking it minute by minute, hour by hour is for good days, day by day is impossible at this point. DC and I are facing our first Christmas without DH who died in September.
What do you have planned for next week? Do you have anyone else who can take DC if you don't feel up to it? If not, just see what feels managable. Do DC know what is planned and will they realise if the plans don't go ahead? (if so, you can probably blame covid for things that don't happen as that's ruining lots of other people's plans).
Take care.

I lost my mum on same date and don’t feel too positive as my dad is also on borrowed time due to cancer. My DH says I need to focus on our children as they are what we have to feel positive about. Thinks it’s a crap time of year to lose someone in particular when we had the funeral on the 23rd December! Hope you are managing ok. I have 3 kids also, two in primary.