Please help, I think I’m going mad.

[Rainallnight]

My mum died last year. My dad died the year before.

I’m so angry all the time. So so angry.

I’ve just completely lost my shit with my kids, who are only 3 and 5 and earlier I smacked DS on the hand. I’m so ashamed.

I feel so dreadful and have done for some time.

I just needed to say this to someone.

Speak to your GP. They can help you. I'm sorry for your sad losses

I found I was angry for a very long time. It is normal. Be kind to yourself.

So sorry for your losses, grief is really tough. Sadly, we are also going through it at the moment, it is just so difficult to handle and comes in waves, from one moment to the next it changes. Seek help, if your emotions are overwhelming you, but anger is well recognised at part of the grieving process flowers]

Sorry for your losses op it's hard .
Call the gp because you are struggling with it all and that's ok and normal . Grief comes in waves and one minute is different to the next ,please don't feel like this is your fault you need help ask for it.
Get counselling, bereavement charities often offer counselling free of charge or for a donation and is often faster to access than NHS.

Thanks everyone you’re so kind. I do need counselling.

DP has friends coming for dinner any minute and I completely lost my shit about half an hour ago, crying and screaming about what it’s been like for me and how no one cares and everyone in the family just gives me shit all the time.

I’m now in bed with a drink, needing to repair my make up. Winning. At. Life.

I lost both parents at 21 suddenly. I understand the anger and grief, I still feel that some days and it was 8 years ago now. However, I don't take it out on my children and If you have started to shout and smack them then you need to be getting some help as it's really unfair on them.

I'm sure you know this but anger is one of the classic recognised stages of grief.

Denial - Anger - Grief - Acceptance.

Something like that. I'm not sure I have ever got to acceptance. But I'm just saying it because I'm saying no you're not going mad.

My lovely lovely Dad died very suddenly of a stroke when he was 58 and I was 21. That is now over 25 years ago. And I still miss him. And I still feel angry. I particularly end up feeling angry about the fact that so many other friends have still got their dads and I have not had mine for so long.

Not sure that to will help to know you might feel angry for another 20 years - but I find it does help to know others get what you are feeling.

Take care and I'm really sorry that you had two such major losses so close together 💐

I know @Kittykat93 I’m so ashamed

@Rainallnight

I know *@Kittykat93* I’m so ashamed

Don't be ashamed! Presumably you didn't hurt them. They won't remember it. I know it's not right, but it's very minor and you're going through so much. It's understandable to lose it once in a while. You do need help though. Get yourself to the GP. I found going on citalopram made a WORLD of difference to me.

I lost my dad at 54. Then my mum at 69 in a car accident. I was 44 at the time and have spent many years since permanently angry. Unreasonably so with PIL for rattling on and on in their 80's.
Not healthy.

Oh honestly OP, what you're going through is HARD.

I lost my dad earlier this year and haven't grieved at all, I don't think I've cried since the funeral. My kids are 3 and 1 and I work full-time, I just don't have time. I think you feeling it is healthier.

What I will also say is that my mental health is secure, I'm well in myself - and my kids can drive me to the fucking brink some days.

What do you need? I do think you should speak to your GP, but also your DP - do you get any downtime at all? It's hard with young DC I know, but would you find it easier to cope if you had half a day to yourself each week just to catch your breath? Or an hour a day?

@cptartapp

I lost my dad at 54. Then my mum at 69 in a car accident. I was 44 at the time and have spent many years since permanently angry. Unreasonably so with PIL for rattling on and on in their 80's. Not healthy.

I'm exactly same about PiL. I know it's terrible to feel angry about it, but still feels wrong they've had so much time with their DC & DGC and my Dad never met any of his DGC... but agree too, it can't be healthy to feel like that!

@Rainallnight your children will survive. Give yourself a break.tell them you're very sad and it's making you cross so they know why and know it's not them.

Then look after yourself. Can you arrange bereavement counseling? My local hospice does this if you had involvement with them and there is no time limit on contacting them