Why can't I cry?

[Chanel05]

My extremely close relative died this week.

I often thought in the past how I'd react and I imagined uncontrollable sobbing. I am quite an emotional person as it is. They were elderly (it even pains me to say were) and unwell but certainly not end of life care. It was a complete shock to be told they'd passed away. I saw their body on Tuesday and expected a flood of tears. Instead, nothing.

What's wrong with me?

Nothing is wrong with you. You are not a tap that you can turn tears on and off whenever you want.

You will cry at some point. It will probably be when you least expect it.

Nothing.
I cried more when my cat died than when my DF died, but my tears for the cat were most probably tears for my DF too. The cat dying at Christmas was just the last straw with my DF dying that year, combined with it being the first Christmas without him, plus all the stress of Christmas.
You might cry, you might not, but it doesn’t mean you’re not sad or didn’t care.

I am not a person who cries. I didn't even really cry when my young DD died. I saw a clinical psychologist to talk it through and they said that some people cry and some don't. It's all on a spectrum of normal grief. I just felt numb.

I haven't shed a tear for my DF who does 2 years ago, although I miss him so much. When I think about him it's happy memories I get not sad ones.

I wouldn't worry about not crying. Grief is a strange thing and affects us all differently. I'm sorry for your loss.

@GoodnightGrandma very similar experience. I cried non stop for days when I had a missed miscarriage and when my beloved cat died.

Nothing at all. You're probably in the denial stage of grief if this was unexpected. Tears will come at some point.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I have cried rivers of tears for anyone and everyone but I wasn’t able to cry anything other than a few tears at a time for my Mum. It’s upsetting and unsettling but don’t make it question the depth of your love for them.

You may find a trigger to release the tears at an unexpected time

I feel fortunate to be able to cry, howl, sob and scream grief out- it releases the pain from the body. It's as natural and good for you as laughter. But. Grief stricken crying is very painful- to connect to and express grief in such a visceral way really really hurts at the time. Once it's run through you and subsided there is some relief, until it builds again. I felt crazy with grief when my wife died a year ago. But if I resisted the tears I felt incredibly anxious. I don't know how it would be not to cry. Perhaps your tears will be triggered at some point- days, weeks, months or years away. Grief stays in the body, in the heart until it finds a way out.

My sister died 49 weeks ago. Last night I was inconsolable. This morning I also feel on the edge. It comes when it comes. In between it's as if she didn't die

@Chanel05 I'm so sorry for your loss

Sorry wasn't clear....it may come unexpectedly. I was just quiet when she died

@WomblingKnobhead I'm so sorry that you've lost your sister, and see it's almost a year. Anniversaries can be so difficult.

It may come unexpectedly. I didn't cry when my granddad died in Febrary. However now i am crying a lot. I am even waking up in the night crying. I think that it has hit me that it will be my first Christmas without my granddad.

I didn't cry when my dd died. I was in shock. At her funeral, I felt very detached and angry. Angry is an understatement I was fucking furious.
I gave birth 2 months after she died and I can remember thinking this pain is fuck all when I've lost my child. I did cry in my sleep I would wake up with tears pouring down my face.
The tears did come eventually and I also had counselling.
Yet when my mum died 2 years after dd I was inconsolable. I cried at her bedside and when the undertakers arrived I didn't want to leave her. One of my brothers had to take me outside.
Grief is different for everyone. It's good to let it out instead of bottling it up.

I never cry when something happens close to me especially suddenly. I go into shock and become totally numb and seemingly emotionless. Then 6 months later I'm watching Christmas videos and can't stop weeping. Wailing in the streets is a normal reaction to grief, so is going numb.

I am very sorry for your loss 💐 I am sure you will find ways to grieve in your own way. It is ok if it takes you a long time to cry or if you never do. Your tears do not show your level of care or sadness.

The most surprising way I have found that grief comes out is laughter. You remember the person and it makes you laugh and that opens you up to feeling the emotion and then you can cry and rage. You can grieve the loss of the person who bought the joy that you were reminded of that made you smile or laugh. It's weird but surprisingly common for it to come out that way too.

Nothing wrong with you. I think, both from my own experience and from what others have told me, that this is very common. I’m sorry for your loss.

I didn't cry when my DF died. I didn't feel anything but pure rage. Several months later I'd be driving, hear a song on the radio and have to pull over in a hysterical mess. That lasted for about 6 years.

Grief comes out differently for different people and in different situations. It is normal for you to react and feel however you react and feel. Be kind to yourself.

Nothing. It's surprisingly common. Not spoken about much. But look on here and every couple of months or more there's someone asking the question you asked. Two years ago, it was me.
My much loved Mum died, and I just powered on through. Sat dry eyed through the memorial service I arranged for her. Wanted to cry and grieve "normally" (as I have previously for other relatives and friends), but, it turns out - no.

It still feels like the grief is walled up behind thick blast doors and is seeping out, drop by drop, over the years.

Sometimes it just happens this way. So sorry you have this on top of your loss.

I absolutely loved and adored my darling Mum and she died very suddenly. I didn’t actually cry for a long time afterwards. It really bothered me but I learnt to accept that this is me , I really miss hurt every d

Thank you for all your kind words and sorry for all your losses.

It's been a long, overwhelming week. I just can't believe they're gone 💔

People grieve in different ways at different times. My dad died this summer. I was so busy sorting out the funeral and caring for my mum and dealing with other people's grief that I barely registered my own,. Then three months later in a yoga class I found tears running down the side of my face during relaxation and they just wouldn't stop.

Meant to say, I am sorry your beloved relative died. Look after yourself. Even if you're not showing your grief yet, it's there, building up inside you, so you do need to take good care of yourself.