The world keeps turning

[Mackemlass79]

Hi everyone bk to my origial name as to be honest I don't care if it's outing snd I know some of u here will know me from the WAY website and fb page anyway but here my thought for the day. Does anyone else find it utterly bizarre and mind bending how life just continues on how Christmas preparations still going on everywhere how u still have to eat and sleep and do things it's such an utterly strange feeling particularly on social media seeing life and everyone just carrying on

I think a lot of people are just brought up in a culture that deals with death in terribly unhealthy ways. I look at the way that cultures other than mine handle dying, death, funerals, caring for the bereaved etc and it's just worlds apart from the English stiff upper lip/don't talk about it/make awkward small talk/avoid people who are suffering a loss. I don't think the problem is people not understanding, especially when it concerns the death of a parent or grandparent. Sadly the vast majority of us will have experience(s) of losing a beloved parent or grandparent during our lives and so we do understand and we should really be better at supporting others who are going through it. But for some reason we're not. I remember the time just after the funeral being incredibly difficult. Before the funeral, it was like people could understand that we were grieving and wanted to be there. As soon as the funeral was over - I mean literally the next day - it felt as though we were expected to get back to normal and crack on with life. It was very lonely.

My Dad died late 2019. We somehow made it through Christmas and I would desperately hope the world would just pause so I could catch my breath. Then the lockdown happened. I think I was the only person in the world glad of it. Seeing friends and family carrying on and having fun made me feel very hurt and miserable. And I felt selfish and guilty feeling that way.

It is so hard OP. Please be kind to yourself

I've lost my dad 8yrs ago to cancer and altho life changing and devastating particularly as I lived withy mam it just doesn't compare to losing my partner under 6wks ago altho I know my mam was at that point going thru what I am now and I take some comfort in how well she is doing now altho everyone is different. I've had people comparing it to their divorce or separation when tho again life changing it is not the same on any level

My lovely DH died the day after Boxing Day, almost two years ago. Last year was very hard and I struggled to put up any decorations or send cards without his name on (although I made a bit of an effort for the DC). The three of us went away and had Christmas in the sunshine as I couldn't bear the thought of being at home without him. This year we are going away for Christmas again, but I've found it easier to put decorations up and feel a bit more Christmassy. I still find it hard seeing all the happy family Christmas photos on social media. Especially when my own family photos keep popping up as 'on this day' memories. Next year we will stay at home for Christmas.

My eldest son died nearly 8 years ago followed the next year by my Mum. I still struggle that the world continues without him particularly as he was only 18 but also my Mum.

I think the first few years went by in a mix of horror, numbness and anger. Oh the anger.

It's less raw these days but the happiest times now are the most painful. The times, opportunities missed by them.

I still have moments of anger at the trivial things that happen. In some respects I think have more patience now then before but in others I have no patience.

It's not that I want the world to stop more that I'd like it to go back.

The ripples of grief keep flowing all these years later.

However the sun still shines, I still find beauty in life, I still manage to live, laugh and love even with grief as my constant companion. The soul is a strong thing.

for everyone, so heartbreaking reading everyone's stories

I'm only 6wks in and really feel all consumed by the loss of my partner sometimes I literally can't breathe I'm that upset and the pain oh the pain so physical aswell as emotional and mental. I do manage to sleep but never ever feel like I've rested or slept at all. Literally everything I have ever wanted and looked towards with our future ripped away from me and I don't know what to do anymore to handle it

Yes. I lost my son 5 years ago and I will never be the person I was. I get really upset when people complain about trivial things, even though I know it isn't really fair. I have to grit my teeth so much and limit the people I spend time with. I feel outside the world, looking in.

Thankyou everyone I'm now 14 wks in since losing my partner actually exactly 100 days today and I don't care how outing this is if any if my friends on my social media see it. I survived Christmas and new yr in quite honestly an autopilot blur now heading fast towards valentines day tho it wasn't something we really celebrated it will still be hard seeing it everywhere and then my birthday march and his in April. I admire anyone else who has/is dealing with this type of loss it really is life changing and all consuming and at min I've taken to not thinking or planning any further than the day I find myself in as anything else just feels too much