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Original poster

Need advice DS (6) has just written a christmas card for his friend who died and wants to give it to his mother

29 replies

Magrat · 15/12/2007 15:39

he died from a long illness 2 months ago aged 6

do I let him give it to his friend's mother? I'm not sure I know what to do here

OP posts:
pukkapatch · 15/12/2007 15:40

yes, because it was written in innocense.

SheherazadetheSwedishjulbok · 15/12/2007 15:40

how heart breaking - i wouldn't know what to do either. how well doyou know the mother?

Original poster
Magrat · 15/12/2007 15:43

I know her well enough to talk to at school gates and we've been to each other's houses but wouldn't say we were great friends ...

OP posts:
bossybaublesinherbritches · 15/12/2007 15:45

I think it's a sweet gesture & important for him that you pass it on. You could give it to her but tell her what it is & say if she wanted to keep it for another time you'd understand. it is going to be an awful christmas for her but it's important her DS isn't forgotten, & I would be touched your DS had thought to do this-what a lovely boy he must be

Ledodgy · 15/12/2007 15:47

I think you should let him give it to her. She will be upset of course but she will take comfort in the fact her son hasn't been forgotten at this time of year.

CarmenerryChristmas · 15/12/2007 15:53

Nothing you could do would upset this woman more having lost her child so recently but I think that she will take comfort from the fact that a lovely child like yours thinks about and misses her son.

FrannyandZooey · 15/12/2007 15:56

I think I would send it inside another envelope with a covering note inside from you, explaining what it is. Then she can choose to open it or not, and doesn't have to have a potentially upsetting and embarrassing conversation about it with someone she doesn't know particularly well.

Shitemum · 15/12/2007 15:57

Does he understand his friend is dead and not coming back? If yes, then i would let him give it to her, nothing can lessen her pain but i think she'd like to know he isnt forgotton

unknownrebelbang · 15/12/2007 15:58

I was going to suggest what Franny said.

unknownrebelbang · 15/12/2007 16:00

Although I'm sure she'd like the opportunity to talk about her child iykwim.

Original poster
Magrat · 15/12/2007 16:19

thanks for advice, very useful, luckily have the weekend to decide the best course of action

OP posts:
Tanktop · 15/12/2007 16:19

This is a very tough one. I would either go with what franny said or does this little boy have a grave that maybe you could take the card along to and place it next to the headstone. I have seen quite alot of cards on graves in the graveyard where I visit. Do you think this would be to upsetting for your ds?

WalkinginaWonkaWonderland · 15/12/2007 16:41

Another vote for Franny's wise words. I can't imagine how difficult it will be for the family this (and many other) Christmas but I'm sure that knowing other people are remembering her ds will mean a great deal, especially one of his own friends. It is a lovely gesture on your ds's part.

Mincepiedermama · 15/12/2007 16:43

Yes definitely let her have it. She'll be remembering him anyway and it can only make her feel slightly less alone.

Myrrhcy · 15/12/2007 16:56

I think Franny's idea is an excellent one.

Poor ds too, he must be missing his friend.

thegrowlygus · 15/12/2007 18:52

Yep - give it. There is a point, about 6 weeks after the death I seem to remember where everyone else seems to be getting on with their lives and seems to have forgotten. And it is such a lonely time after everyone rallying round initially etc.

So I think it will be received in the way it is intended.

The covering note will be helpful just so she is prepared.

mylittleponey · 15/12/2007 18:55

what a thoughtful boy

NAB3littlemonkeys · 15/12/2007 18:58

Nowhere near the same but a dog we all loved recently died and my son drew some pictures and wrote how he felt about the dog. He wouldn't let me see it and wanted to give it the owner. I explained that I didn't know what he had written but it was up to her what she did with it. She opened it later and he had written some lovely kind things and she cried she was so touched.

I would do something similar and say your son wanted to give a card for XXX and say you are all thinking of her.

WendyWeber · 15/12/2007 18:59

I'm sure she will be greatly touched by it, twig; but Franny's idea is great, just so she'll be prepared before she opens it.

YOur DS sounds so lovely.

BBBee · 15/12/2007 19:04

what a lovely child you have.

what franny said.

Original poster
Magrat · 15/12/2007 20:08

thank you for the advice

and for the compliments for DS, he is rather lovely .. unfortunately I forget this sometimes

OP posts:
dara · 15/12/2007 20:14

This makes me want to cry. Yes, give it to her, with the letter. And talk to your son to make sure he realises his friend isn't coming back (while acknowledging that love doesn't end just because someone dies and that it was good and Ok to write to him).

gigglewitchyouamerrychristmas · 15/12/2007 20:18

nothing to add, cos others have really covered it i think, but just wanted to add that you should be proud of your thoughtful boy.
nobody can do much to console a mum who is more sad than any of us can imagine, but the words of your child just may give her a moment of love, which she desperately needs.

hazygirl · 15/12/2007 22:31

that is lovely of your ds,i would give as im sure she will tresure i would,its so lovely of him, children really can be thoughtful, my granddaughter was stood in our garden this week shouting for her brother who died last december, i asked why and she said i want him to look down and see the lights granddad has put up shes four bless her

minouminou · 20/12/2007 15:37

did you give her the card in the end?
deffo think it was the right thing to do if you did
it'll be a comfort, as she can think of your son's friendship with hers