sorry to intrude. this is not my loss but need to talk about

[jinglebells2shoessmells]

T.
T was dd's freind. he died when he was 9, he would have been 13 this year.. next week is the aniversary of his passing.
my freind and I will go and visit his grave. we do it every year. we joke that we will still be doing it when we are old. we know he isn't there but with the stars. but can't let his family feel he has been forgotton.
his poor mum has moved away, and is still finding it so hard.

I often feel guilty as last year G died very suddenly. his mum put him to bed. woke the next day and he had gone. I kept in touch for a while BUT.... I just couldn't go through it all again(other things happened as well which i won't put on here)

so when I go to T's grave I will say a prayer and think of G to.

life can be a lump of shit. these dc's never had a full life but they brightened everyones day. One smile from T or G would melt the heart of the hardest man.

(thanks for letting me just let it out. try not to talk at home as this was all to close to home and no way would I post in sn)

Don't know what to say 2shoes.....
that's a really bitter sweet post

I have no useful words, but a little red wine left in my glass, and am raising it to the memory of T and G and to their families.

'with the stars' is a lovely way of expressing it.

the stars bit comes from talking to dd. she was 8 and has sn so how do you explain? so I said he was a star in the sky and pointed it out.

it is lovely. It just works, as an explanation of the unexplainable, on so many levels.

2shoes-they may not be your children but you feel their loss and therefor your grief is just as real, as felt, and legitimate.

Thinking of you, and saying a little prayer for them both. x

(((2shoes)))

It is so painful when wonderful people are taken from us too soon. (A subject particularly close to me today, so sending you and T and G and their families special thoughts tonight.)

jinglebells2,this is vio. some of you might have heard of me and my wee james. I want to let you know that you're a wonderful friend and your friend's children know you love them.

I feel ok, I miss him but I also know that my boy doesnt want me to be unhappy and I also know that staying miserable will only make my life even harder than it already is...having said that, I think James changed me in a positive way, I am definitely a stronger person ...I must say friend's support meant so much to me.

Now I would give everything a go cos i now think if you never try then you will never know if you can do it...when you are like me..someone who have experienced something no parents want to experience....you view the world in a different way..I want to say that it's very kind of you to visit wee T's grave..i am sure he's in a better place now.

sending hugs for you and for T & G families at this difficult time of year, thankyou for supporting your friend.i am sure it helps her to know that her child has not been forgotten.

I understand how you feel 2shoes.

I think with regards to your 2nd bereavement the guilt is normal but I am coming to the conclusion that empathy for big things is rather a finite resource .. there are only so many tragic situations we can become part of as friends and support systems before we need to pull back and find time for ourselves or break under the strain .. please try not to feel the guilt..

Know that what you do is the best that you can do and more than can be expected

(vio I will add your James into my little prayer)
Thanks for all your kind words.

just wanted to update.
we took the floweres. the grave looked beautiful so di the whole grave yard as there was a heavy frost. I then emailed the mum. and she had moved abroad but is now back living in the UK. so i am going to meet up with her in the new year.

Bless you 2shoes

You are a good friend and a lovely person