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Morbid but can you just give me your opinions on this Christmas message to a dying relative, please?

28 replies

DaphneHarvey · 14/12/2007 22:57

I have to write a Christmas card to my uncle who is dying. He is the closest in the family to my Dad (they have already lost two older brothers) and I will never see him again. He is due to be 73 on 10th January but it looks like he might not make it to that date. I am not very very close to him but I know how much he means to my father and mother (divorced) just because he is of their generation. In my childhood he was always the groovy uncle, an artist, a bonafide tree-hugging hippy, with long hair and an allotment and a falling to pieces house which he never quite managed to do up. He is cerebral and highly intelligent and perfectly well aware of what is happening to him. Do you think this is okay (esp. mentioning his funeral) to put in his Christmas card? TIA.

Dear Uncle xxxx

Oh dear, I am so deeply sorry to hear about your illness and what you are facing. We all send you our fondest love and I must judt add that you will always live on for me in my daughter R who will be 7 on 11th January. She looks so very much like your beautiful twins C and Z*. I can't explain it but there is something in her smile and the way she holds her mouth which will forever remind me of your particular branch of our family tree.

My Dad and Mum will miss you terribly. You have been a fantastic brother to Dad and my Mum thinks of you very very fondly too.

I am so pleased that your legacy lives on in your four wonderful daughters and all their children, and in your works of art, which other people who never knew you can look at and appreciate.

When the time comes I will be raising a glass (of red) to you and remembering with immense fondness our times at the summer pic-nics at C* and all the warmth and interest you showed in me and my husband and family.

Wishing you peace and happiness.

With fondest love, your niece J xxxx

OP posts:
throckenholt · 17/12/2007 07:38

But at the same time I am not just going to write "thinking of you at this time of year" cos that just doesn't say enough. This is my last chance to say something to him. I will definitely never see him again (he is in hospital 200 miles away). Even my Dad believes he will never see him again.

I want him to know that I love him and am sorry that he's dying too young and leaving all his family behind, without making him feel guilty. And I want him to know that he holds a special place in our hearts and we will miss him.

that pretty much says it all - why not reword that instead ?

Something like - sadly you are are now near the end and I know this is my last chance to tell you how much you have meant to us .....

And maybe end with thanks for being such a groovy uncle.

throckenholt · 17/12/2007 07:41

by the way - I am basing that on the fact that you say he is "cerebral and highly intelligent" - I have a friend of a similar age and increasing infirmity who has been a scientist all his life - he definitely appreciates people talking about reality rather than pussyfooting around and pretending things aren't happening.

I would make a point of reminding him of one or two events that you really associate with him.

DaphneHarvey · 19/12/2007 14:53

I have written the letter. Made it shorter than my original, no reference to his funeral, much like P & L's re-worded version.

Thanks for your help with this everyone. It was hard but something I felt I really wanted to do. Selfish of me probably. But feel better for it!

J x

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