Is this normal?

[LordFoofingtonismyMaster]

Hi.

My lovely dad died quite suddenly last week. It was completely unexpected and a total shock. He was elderly but in great shape and behaved like a bold teenager most of the time, particularly when with the grandkids. Last week the tears wouldn't stop at times and I still feel I could go at any minute but I'm just numb. I'm walking around in a total daze and not quite sure what I'm saying or doing. I feel like I'm watching myself in an awful movie. It's only been a week but this just feels completely removed from reality. I am also so tired. I didn't sleep at all last week and could barely eat whereas now I'm sleeping all night and waking ready to go back to bed for another 8 hours. I'm still not eating great but able to eat now which I wasn't up to a couple of days ago. My kids are completely bereft, they saw him nearly every day. I'm not even sure why I'm posting.

Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read.

I am so sorry your Dad died

It sounds like you are experiencing disassociation which is a common response in raw grief.

I’m so sorry. It’s very early days for you. It’s so very raw and painful, I know.

To be honest, it took me a decade to feel the feeling of happiness after losing my dad (I lost my mum not long after, too). Now, over a decade on I think of my dad and smile. I picture him when he was young. And oddly, I feel closer to him now that raw pain and wound have subsided. I was bereaved and then depressed for a long time afterwards. I then eventually felt contentment and now, happiness again. But it’s taken over 10 years. I had counselling, was on antidepressants for a time. It does take time and such a profound experience alters us. Life ebbs and flows that way.

We just have to keep them safe in our hearts. Grief is love with no place to go, as they say.