Options / ideas for a very small funeral

[Yika]

My father just died today (this is my 2nd thread as it's a separate topic) - we are very few family and friends for a funeral, probably only 15-20 people. I am wondering about how to organise this so it still feels special and not sad and loveless with such a small sendoff. He was a difficult person but we three children loved him, albeit in a complicated way.

My dad loved boats, sailing and the sea, history and nature (green funeral?), and was somewhat religious.

Any ideas as to how to make this a special but simple event gratefully received.

I'm sorry for your loss

pick music your dad liked or reflect the sea and sailing,

this is yours and your siblings time to say goodbye, so think about how the three of you would like it to be

Thanks ivykaty, I will do that.

Wondering how to incorporate a religious service without having just a handful of us sitting in max 2 pews!! I guess local priest / crematorium and funeral director would have some ideas, I’m going to start contacting them now.

I’m sorry for your loss @Yika. We had a green funeral for my grandad. It was really lovely. He had a little tree planted on him and now, a decade on, it’s a bigger tree in what’s now part of a bigger wood. Much nicer to be able to take my children to see my Grandad Graham and him “being a tree” than in a crematorium. I’d go as far as to say it actually makes me smile there. There’s info here via The Woodland Burial Trust. I hope you find something that works for your family.

Sorry for your loss. From experience, a personal letter from the family, to be read out by the priest, talking about his life and loves may be an idea. Rather than a traditional eulogy. There are some lovely ideas posted here. Xx

How about instead of one person standing up and talking that you all stand around the coffin and everyone says something along the lines of their favourite memory of him, or something that was special to them, or maybe his favourite psalm/ bible verse. A green funeral sounds lovely and would be really suited to a more intimate celebration of his life than something in a chapel.

My father's funeral would ordinarily have been very big (couple of hundred people), in a church despite his militant aetheism.

In the event, he died during lockdown and so it was ten of us in a room at the funeral parlour. It was lovely! My sister and I each said a few words and we played some of his favourite music. It was relaxed and informal and we tried to keep it light. I found I infinitely preferred it.

It might be harder to achieve if you're religious and want a church, but you can have a lovely send off for him.

For my Dad's funeral I bought some little seed packets from Amazon that said something like 'plant these and remember me' on them, and filled them with forget-me-not seeds - they were handed to people as we left the crematorium. Also asked for donations to the Woodland Trust instead of flowers. Ours was a (very lovely and touching) Humanist ceremony, with about 20 attendees. It didn't seem small to me! We had a photo of Dad (and a cartoon of him done by a friend) on the coffin, and handed round wine gums (his favourite sweets) halfway through ( during the 2nd piece of music) - you can personalise the ceremony as much as you want - I was so pleased with the way ours went, felt we really did him justice :)

I am so sorry for your loss, I'm sure you'll arrange a lovely tribute to your Dad.

I have been to a funeral just like this last week, even down to the sea theme. There were 11 people, in a small chapel at the crematorium. The vicar did the whole service, 1 hymn (for those in peril on the sea) a couple of readings by the vicar and some music on the way out, It was actually lovely.

These ideas all sound brilliant! Love the forget-me-not seeds idea. (He loved flowers too, especially wild ones).

I have played for many funerals as an organist and it is not uncommon for there to be this amount of people. It will be absolutely fine. My advice would be to do what you want and to not worry about how many people will be there.

Thank you, it’s reassuring to know that such a small gathering isn’t unusual. It has relieved my sadness about my DF’s friendlessness.

Sorry for your loss.
Tbh I dont think 15-20 is all that small - the last three Ive been to have had about that number.

My dad's funeral was in the period of lockdown where you were allowed 30 people. As he was in his late 80s I suspect even without lockdown a lot of his contemporaries would have passed already, or not have been to travel - even if they'd known about him passing.

So for us, a limit of 30 people was perfect and we had as nice a time as you could have expected. the thought of my mum hoping to see 70 of 80 people turning up, only to be disappointed that they didn't, would have been a lot more difficult...

Very reassuring that others have had food experiences with small funerals, thank you for sharing.

Good not food!!