Mum Died, Have I grieved ?

[WashingMachineMind]

HI been a lurker for a while and finally found the courage to post.

My mum died 4 years ago, she had been ill for a while and finally passed. We were all close and she was suffering in the final stages and wasn’t the mum we knew as she was so ill on medication for her C treatment as well as suffering from mental health issues.

I don’t really know if I have actually ever grieved her death properly, understandably very upset at the time. I can talk about her without getting upset these days to anyone including my children.

I have bouts of anxiety due to work issues, business not doing great , catastrophise about everything and starting to beat myself up about everything. I have felt like this on and off for probably 8/9 years even before my mum got ill.

How do you know if you have grieved ? someone said once to me that death is sometimes a non event when someone has been ill for a while.

Am I trying to force myself to grieve for my mum to take my other worries/anxiety away ?

I think there is no set way to grieve, we all cope with it in different ways. I had a similar experience with DM, she had cancer so when she finally died, it was a relief. It was almost like we did our grieving through the process of the illness as we lost bits of her along the way. It is almost 4 years since we lost her and like you, I am able to talk about her without being tearful but I will have random memories or occasions that will cause me to be tearful.

Perhaps therapy will help

I'm not dissimilar to you, although my mums illness was different her end was inevitable.
I had a few Moments (she died just before Mother's Day) in the early days but have got on with life since then.
That includes having children- while I wish she'd known them and I really could have done with some help we've all come thorogh
We're all different, what you feel is what you feel and it's not wrong