Mil died of breast cancer she was only 56

[Supamum3]

Mil died of breast cancer last week. She had been quite sick in the last 6 months, she had lost lots of weight and was in and out of hospital. Eventually it was a kidney infection that was the final blow, her body had fought so much but had become so weak. We all went to see her the day before and it was heartbreaking to see. She was in and out of consciousness and literally half the woman she was. She has 2 dgs who she loved early and they got to see her too. I am due to give birth to ds3 any day and I’m so sad she won’t get to meet him. She doted on her grandsons.

I’m at a loss to how to support dh. He’s struggles to open up generally and it’s been an issue in our relationship that he shuts down in times of trouble. I’m grieving her too but finding it difficult not being able to talk openly about it.

I’m so sad and will miss her so much

How terribly unfair life is sometimes. I am so sorry. She sounds like a wonderful woman. In terms of DH, that's really tough. You need him and he needs you but how to manage that with your different approaches? I would give him time and support, in practical terms that would be making him a cup of tea, encouraging him out for walks, meeting family / friends etc. For you, you need your people around you. Have you family or friends to lean on and talk to. The timing of this must feel overwhelming, it will get easier. You will have your baby and at some point you will look at him and know she would have loved him to the moon but she would want you to find a way be at peace.

and

Can I just add, you sound incredible. I know you probably feel you can't do this but you can. Please be kind to yourself and seek that real life support that you so clearly deserve.

Thank you for your kind words @SummerHouse. She was such a wonderful woman, loved by so many with a heart of gold. I always told my friends how lucky I was to have a mil like her.

I will take your advice, thank you. Doing the practical things like making cups of tea and making sure he eats I can certainly do for him.

So sorry to hear this. I lost my dad at 56 to cancer too last year. It did and still does feel so so unfair. We were cheated out of so many years together and my ds has lost out on a lifetime of memories with his wonderful grandad.

In terms of your dh, it's hard to know what to do for the best because everyone grieves differently and needs different things. My dh was quite good at keeping things ticking over with the house and kids and knowing when to leave me alone. Be that presence who is there for support when needed but not stifling.

It helps me to remember that my dad is no longer suffering or frightened. He is at peace and we have to try and live our lives to the fullest as he would have wanted.