long story - EX's DD died choking

[JackJacksmummy]

I have recently got back into contact with my ex - the father of my 7 year old who she has not seen since she was 1 - long story again but will be seeing her again when the time is right.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, In March of this year his 6 month old baby girl died after her mother (his wife that have now separated) left her in a bouncy chair with a biscuit whilst she was out of the room - she choked and died. It is very sad and my ex is not coping well at all. In the last 2 years several other bereavements have happened and i am seriously worried any thing else may push him a bit too far and he could do something stupid.

I know he cries every day, is not sleeping, wont go to counselling or go to the doctors for anti-depressants. He blames his wife which is why they have split up, he blames himself for not being there - even though he was at work and it was beyond his control.

We talk about his daughter and what she was like but i dont feel right talking about OUR daughter because it feels like i'm kind of rubbing it in,

Has anyone got any advice on where to go from here? I am in a stable relationship with someone else and have 2 other children so although i want to be his friend and help him, he is very vulnerable and i dont want to think i'm doing this for more than friendship. Before i got back into contact with him i had no idea about his DD and the main reason was for him and our DD to build some kind of relationship together.

What a terrible thing to go through.
Sorry, I haven't got any advice - just bumping this for you, hopefully someone else will be more helpful.

Oh, how horrible. I think he probably needs some kind of support group. But, that doesn't mean he will be interested. Sorry I can't be of more help.

How awful. A good reminder about biscuits and babies though, you have nudged my conscience a bit there, which I'm grateful for x
I hope he finds a way through this. It must be terrible.

Oh the poor man (and how his wife must be feeling ).
I think we've all done something like that, haven't we, that in retrospect you think "shit, that could have been close"? There but for the grace etc.

I don't know what to suggest but he clearly needs help. Bereavement counselling for a start...Would he agree if you set it up and took him there?

A salutory tale for all those a bit more relaxed about what their babies eat at a young age.

Just so so sad.

My heart goes out to all three of you: you, your Ex and his wife.

Ohgiveus is 100% correct about counselling.

I experienced bereavements in a short space of time, didn't really deal with them properly and then went through a bad patch later on. Your ex needs support to get thru this. If he won't go for counselling, maybe if you contact a support group then maybe they can suggest how you can help him, while keeping a distance so you don't get too emotionally involved (cos that will wear you out). In a way, maybe you can be his counsellor but you need to be guided and supported in this, espeically as you have a history and a child together.

It's a difficult situation for all of you. I hope that he will allow himself to be helped. Men can be resistant to counselling/talking but they are human, just like you and me.