How to get through Christmas?

[NettleMania]

We lost a much loved family member this year and I'm finding it hard to deal with.

The thought of coping with Christmas this year fills me with dread or numbness, depending on my mood.

I know December can be hard for a lot of people and am wondering how you cope and if you have any survival tips.

Thank you

Sorry to hear those OP its a tough time of year. I just don't do Xmas when I've been bereaved or upset. I cant face it and did not do presents, cards or decorations. I told people I was in mourning.

Personally, I avoid doing the normal family traditions when I've been recently bereaved or I do them with a twist so I'm not triggered as much. I lost my mum suddenly last week and I know from past bereavements this Christmas will be an emotional train wreck. I'm just expecting to spend a lot of time sobbing in the loo, taking a back seat at my lovely in-laws Christmas and letting them create the fun for my kids.

Next year, then I'll tackle some of the Christmas things.

I always go to my loved one’s memorial bench first thing in Christmas Day and then I feel a lot more settled.

I found the ‘anticipation’ (not the right word I know 😟) was not ‘as bad’ as the reality on my first Christmas without my Mum. I was dreading it. But on Christmas Day I had a little cry, went up to the Cemetery early (about 9am) and alone (I wanted it that way) and had another little sob. Then sat on a bench with an elderly lady for a bit and chatted (it was her first Christmas without her brother). By 10.30 I was home putting the sprouts on and we actually managed to have a really nice day. I think it’s important to openly acknowledge it’s the first Christmas so that nobody feels awkward or they can’t talk about the missing person. At one point my DH joked about how my mum would have been on her 3rd sherry by noon and asleep in the armchair by 4pm to get out of the washing up.

But yes, New Year was worse, I too didn’t want that year to be over (but I also did, in an odd way), I didn’t want the passing of time or for my mum to be dead ‘last year’, I wanted her back…..I’m not explaining it well. I actually went to bed with a sleeping pill at 7pm on that NYE and DH took DD to a theatre show.

Do you have any chance of going away, especially if you can go somewhere hot/sunny/where Christmas isn't especially celebrated?

My mum was everything in our Christmas plans. We went to hers for Christmas Eve (always had beef Wellington) then we went in the morning on Christmas Day for presents, breakfast and lunch. Then we went over on Boxing Day for a feast of leftovers.

I’d love to not do Christmas but I have to try for my two girls. I’m hosting Christmas Eve, my older sister Christmas Day. We are going to try and do her proud. She wouldn’t have wanted us to fall apart and not do the things she loved most.