Phoning people to let them know

[refreshingseahorse]

My mum died yesterday. This morning I made calls to family and her friends to let them know. It was a somewhat unexpected death and people were shocked and crying and then I was crying. It was horrible having to say what had happened over and over again. I miss her so much.

I’m so sorry. How awful and difficult for you. Do you have anyone with you or someone you can talk too?

Oh bless you that's so sad. It must have been such a hard thing for you to do. I am so sorry for your loss.

I am really sorry for your loss xxx

I am so very sorry for your loss. Sending lots of good thoughts xxx

So sorry. I lost my mum a decade ago but I remember so well the initial raw pain. I remember having to tell people.

I think about her and smile nowadays. She’s still with me in my heart. I miss her.

Big hugs.

Is there someone you can ask to help you make calls? It's such a tough time and it's a really hard thing to do.

Thank you all. I have my dh but it's comforting to talk from people in the same place.

Ringing round after my husband’s death was one of the hardest things ever. Well done for getting through that. Once the initial shock is over, family and friends will hopefully be able to support you. So sorry for your loss.

Can you get close friends or family to pass on messages to extended family/friends?

If there's more distant family / friends still to be told, you could ask one or more of the family members you told today to spread the news for you? We had a sort of communication tree to pass news around when my dad was dying, to spare my mum and so that none of us had to do all of it. It is very draining.

I had to do this 5 years ago when my dad died. My mum just couldn't face it, so it fell to me to let people know, to make funeral arrangements, to speak to numerous places where information needed updated (pensions, that kind of thing). It was awful to relive it every time I spoke to someone and explained what had happened. But I did it for my mum because she couldn't bring herself to say the words. It had quite an adverse affect on me, and I was going through separation from my husband at the time, had my DC to be strong for. It's exhausting. You will get through this, one day at a time

Oh OP, I'm so sorry for your loss My mum died last month and I remember those phonecalls. It was awful. The worst was to my mum's ex-partner. They'd been together 30 years then she cut him off for the last 2. He still loved her. He was in bits. Her best friends all totally shocked. Those phonecalls were horrible to have to make.

Look after yourself OP, take some time to be by yourself, don't feel pressure to get everything all done straight away, and if people offer let them pass on the news to others for you

We did the phone tree a bit so it could have been worse, but I ended up with extra calls because my sibling fell apart a bit doing theirs.

I'm really not looking forward to telling all the official places, but hopefully they are less likely to cry, and then make me cry. I'll probably still cry though.

My mum died more than 20 years ago but I've never forgotten the shock and sobs of the people I phoned to let them know. I found myself apologising for giving them bad news and upsetting them. It was utterly surreal and I can still remember the words one woman said to this day. It's very hard, and I feel for you. My condolences and take care x

Hi seahorse. Hope you are ok. 💐

@BorisKilledMyHusband it's hard, today I went to the family viewing room at the hospital to see her and was given a green sack with her things. It's all so unreal. I spoke to the registrar and booked an appointment with a funeral directors. I want to tell her about all this and ask her advice but then I remember I can't.

Dh is taking care of me though and db is helping. Getting there bit by bit.

Thank you asking after me, this also made me cry, but in a good way.

It's all so unreal. I spoke to the registrar and booked an appointment with a funeral directors. I want to tell her about all this and ask her advice but then I remember I can't.

My mum died last month. I experienced these things and felt this way. Still just want to tell her about all that's happened. Wish I could

@SwimStressNameChange I'm sorry too. Wishing you strength

I am so sorry. I understand how this feels. My DM died, unexpectedly, on 16 July. I shall never, ever forget the sense of pain and desolation I felt, sitting in her sitting room beside my dad with us taking it in turns to phone people. She was greatly loved and, like you, I encountered lots of tears. I still don’t know how’d we did it. And having to tell my children, who all adored her, was painful beyond words.

Those feelings of wanting to tell the very person who you can’t tell are also very painful.

I’m 3 months on now. The outright shock of those first few days has abated. But the pain is still pretty raw really. Taking day at a time really does seem to help.

Everyone is different, but for me the planning and carrying out if the funeral just so brought me great comfort. There were some little touches (certain things to put in the coffin with her), the readings and music at the service, particular flowers, even serving her favourite drink at the wake that I am pleased we did.

I have also found setting up an on-line memorial for her quite cathartic too.

I hope you find peace and comfort. I am so glad you have support.