My dad died

[Testarossa44]

My dad died 2 days ago, very suddenly at home, only my mum was with him. I live 75 miles away and got here as fast as I could, my sister was local and came straight round. I just can’t believe he’s gone, surrounded by all his things here is a constant reminder of who Is was. my mum just doesn’t seem to be accepting it, accusing me and my sister of rifling when we were just trying to start sorting out paperwork. I’m just overwhelmed by grief, tears are nearly constant and can’t even believe it will ever get better, it just hurts so much.

I’m so sorry. This happened to me - my Dad was 54 and it was a heart attack.

Don’t worry about the paper work if it is causing your mum stress, there’s a feeling you need to get it sorted ASAP, but realistically most things (except death cert etc) can wait. I understand though as it’s a way of feeling useful.

It never stops being horrible, but you get better at dealing with it.

Do you want to tell us about him?

He was a lovely man, very dry sense of humour. A great cook, I used to be always asking him for cooking advice. He had the biggest bear hug, I’d give anything for one more hug. He was a big golfer, played 2 or 3 times a day, I keep expecting him to come up the path trundling his golf trolley behind him. We’ve picked out a golf outfit for him to wear and his golf shoes, plus we’re going to put 2 golf balls in with him. So can’t comprehend it all at the moment. He’s left such a huge hole.

2 or 3 times a week, not day.

What a shock for you all OP. I'm so sorry to hear this. Really difficult to lose a parent - keep talking and getting support where you need it

I'm struggling with the idea of seeing him at the funeral home, mum and my sister want to go. I do want to be able to say goodbye to him, his body had gone by the time I arrived. I'm just scared he won't look like him, I don't want that to be my last memory of him. But worry that I will regret it if I don't go. Mum's said he'll just look like he's asleep, but I just don't know. We lost our beloved dog in June, he adored my dad and I just hope they've found each other. It's just so so hard, and painful.and i just want him back.

Hi There I am so sorry to read this sad news. I lost my dad suddenly last July. My brother quickly sorted paperwork out while I just stayed with my mum sitting quietly. Fair play if you and you sister can sort it - I would have been useless at that time I think. It still feels unreal even though I know it's true. My dad also gave great hugs. I often think of the funny things he said, I imagine that he's sat in his favourite chair talking to me, telling me (awful) jokes. That's the only thing I have left now - happy memories. I am sending you strength - take time to breathe and rest. If you go to see him and then decide it's not for you then turn around and walk out - be with somebody else. My mum was very strong and saw dad several times. I couldn't (although I stayed with him for hours when he was in bed waiting for police/coronor due to unexplained death at home). I was worried, as you are, that he may look different and I didn't want to be scared or have that image of him in my mind. Take care of yourself, big, big hugs xx

I lost my dad in April. My heart goes out to you. It's tough going. It's funny the things you remember when they are gone. I still hear him when I do things that would get a comment from him

We went to the funeral home today, I didn't go in to see him. I ask the man what does he look like and he said his face was a bit red because he fell face down. I knew then I didn't want to go in. My mum and sister did. My sister came out and said she didn't think I should, so i didn't. I have no regrets. I took his golfing membership diary to go with him and I wrote a little note in the back to him saying goodbye and told him how much I loved him. so I feel I've said goodbye in my own little way.

My dad passed away suddenly at home too and I didn't go see him. It was six years ago and I haven't regretted it. Everyone's different, let yourself grieve however you need too. I live away and I think I am in denial that he's gone still sometimes. If you need professional help, don't hesitate to get to your doctor.

I took his golfing membership diary to go with him and I wrote a little note in the back to him saying goodbye and told him how much I loved him. so I feel I've said goodbye in my own little way.

That's a lovely thing to do @Testarossa44
Sorry for your loss

I'm so sorry for your loss. He sounds like a lovely man. I lost my dad suddenly 13 years ago now and I can still remember it as though it were yesterday - it felt impossible that life could actually go on but it did and although it probably doesn't seem like it right now it does get easier with time.

You can go to the funeral home and ask to see him inside his coffin with the lid on, if you prefer. Then when you're there you can ask them to remove the lid if you change your mind.
I saw my mum when she died very suddenly and I didn't like it at all. At the undertakers they do look much better, but still not quite them, apparently
There is no right answer to it so don't feel pressured to do anything.
I am so, so sorry that your dad has died. He sounds like a brilliant dad. I am about 7 weeks ahead of you, my mum died. I still don't believe it has happened but I take a strange comfort that this happens to people all the time and they do continue on and live alongside their grief. At first it is all so tiring and overwhelming isn't it.

I'm so sorry, its very very raw for you right now. You'll never forget but it will eventually get less painful. Greif is love with nowhere to go.

I did see my lovely mum, who died last year at the funeral house, I wish I hadn't. I've made the decision I will not see anyone like this again. However everyone is different.

Take care of yourself too.

I'm deeply sorry @Testarossa44 .

Sending love and light.

Thank you all so much for your kind comforting words, it does help to know others understand what I'm going through, it's just so so hard.

I'm so sorry for your loss I feel your pain.
My lovely Dad died suddenly at home 2 and a half years ago, I live 100 miles away but after he took poorly that morning I rushed down and was there. I gave him CPR while my mum and brother were downstairs. I'm seen as the strong one so dealt with the paperwork, funeral and collecting ashes etc.
It has taken its toll on me and I miss him terribly.
Keep talking about him but know your Dad is with you always. Sending you strength.

It’s so so hard and I understand the heart break as my dad left us two years ago. I agree it gets easier to manage the feelings over time but not a day goes by without thinking about them.

I have been given October off, supposed to back to work in November. Don't even know if I'm going to be able too. I work as nanny and cant even contemplate trying to be cheerful for the children I look after. May end up handing my notice in and looking for something else to do.