I still feel guilty.....

[starsandsparkle]

My world was shattered ten years ago when my wonderful mum passed away. She wasn't really acting herself a few weeks prior to her passing, she had some tests and saw a few specialists but they never diagnosed anything.

My brother wasn't happy with this (none of us were) so he asked me to let her know he was coming to have a word with her about her health. I did as he asked and told her my brother and I wanted a word with her and as I guided her into the living room she collapsed.

I phoned emergency services and administered CPR as best as I could before my brother arrived and he too tried to revive her. As it happened it was too late and she was gone. We were all understandably devastated.

It's been ten years since this happened and it still cuts me up. I think what gets me the most is that I couldn't save her when she needed me the most. She was my absolute world, she done everything and anything she could for anyone, I couldn't have asked for a better mother.

In a way I feel like I have let her down, even after all this time. How do I get over this? I know she would be really annoyed at me if she knew I was thinking like this but it's haunted me since she passed.

Sorry for the long winded and muddled post I'm writing this whilst being abit teary eyed.

I'm sorry for your loss. Have you ever had grief counseling? You lost your mum in unexpected and terrible circumstances. I think that would traumatise most people. You can't blame yourself but I can understand why you feel this way.

Sorry for your loss. The only way I was able to move past guilt in a bereavement was bereavement counselling. Helped me more past the guilt and shame attached. There is a very powerful podcast by Eliza Day called How to Fail', she interviews Chimananda Ngozi Adichie on the grief of losing her parents. Very powerful. Good luck and be kind to yourself. Get some third party support if you can.

@GnomeyGnome thank you for your quick reply. I haven't had grief counselling but I think I could benefit from it. It's definitely something I need to look into.

@stripedino I think that's something I should do I've been carrying the guilt around for far too long. Thank you for the podcast recommendation I'll have a listen. I really appreciate your kind words and advice.

Not the same really but I missed my last Mother’s Day with my mum because I was tired and didn’t want to drive 70 miles. I thought my brother who lived local was taking mum out but he just called for a cuppa. I rang her a couple of times through the day but felt so guilty she was on her own . I vowed to go over and take her out . She died a few weeks later and I never got the chance and I still feel guilty . I am sure you did everything you could and at least your mum wasn’t alone when she died .

@sandgrown I'm so sorry for your loss. The guilt can consume you I know this all to well. I'm sure your mum knew you loved her so very much.

Bless you. I think even after 10 years the shock of losing your mum in such a sudden and unexpected fashion hasn't left you and it's natural to blame ourselves for things like this. You should definitely seek out grief counselling, or you could try the National Bereavement Service who work in partnership with various organisations who could offer you support in dealing with your feelings (www.thenbs.org or freephone 0808 164 2239).

It sounds like you and your mum had a wonderful relationship and I'm sure she will have known how much you loved her. You did all you could and most certainly did not let her down in any way. Be kind to yourself OP .

@Carandi thank you for the information it's something I need to seriously look into. I ignorantly thought I'd just get over it and plod on as normal but grief doesn't work that way.

She was my best friend I'll always be grateful that I had such a wonderful person guiding me through life. Thanks for your kind words