Grief

[catinboots123]

It's hit me like a train today.

Dad died in June at the age of 75 from a stroke. Nothing unusual. I've been fine. Doing all the usual - supporting mum, sold his car at the weekend. I've cried and cried but today I'm sat on the kitchen floor listening to his music and sobbing.

It's so shit. When does it get better? My SIL said it takes at least a year.

I loved him so much.

Also found out today mum has a breast lump - she's survived breast cancer twice already.

I found it comes in waves. Sometimes it's unbearable and I was in a heap and then right as rain in a few hours. Sometimes I felt like I just wanted to sleep for a week. There's no way round it, you just have to let it happen and process it as best you can. I found it really helpful to realise that I wasn't aiming to get through to the other side but I was actually just getting used to life without my loved one. Sending much love to you.

for you OP. Didn't want to read and run xx

I have found that once you've been through the first year and all its milestone dates it starts to get a bit easier, but there are no rules and it's different for everyone. I've found the writings of Julia Samuel to be very comforting and helpful x

Lost my dad almost 2 years ago. Still miss him every day and I still have moments like you describe every now and again. It's a little.less often now, the tears don't start as soon as I think of him every time any more. So it's a little better but it still hurts. There's no timescale with grief, just be kind to yourself and allow yourself the time to grieve

My mum passed away 15 years ago. I still have moments when I just get hit by grief. But really the first year was the hardest. That was after a long illness though.

DSS passed away 2 years ago and that still hits my DH (and me) hard, very hard at times. It doesn't get less awful but more liveable with.

I think 3 years is a kind of point when it does get more manageable. but everyone is different. Be kind to yourself is all you can do and it'll be what it is.

I don't think it helps my last memory of him was awful. It was five weeks between him dying and the funeral and we could only view him just a couple of days before. The funeral director said he would appear 'fragile' but it was awful. I'm not daft I had previously seen my Nan laid at rest but this was different - his face was sunken and black. He looked like, well, a decaying corpse, which was what he was.

I walked in and out in less that 5 seconds.

I know I had 41 years full of memories and holidays and love and fun and a wonderful dad. I wish I could burn that image from my head.

I wish I could have sat and held his hand and kissed him. I wish I had asked the FD to put the lid on the coffin and I could have sat with him. I was just too upset to think.

I miss you dad.

That’s hard. Sorry.