TW: baby loss and new pregnancy

[MrsXx4]

Hello, I really didn’t know where to put this and I’m not sure if I’ll get the right audience to what I’m asking from this topic but this is such a sensitive subject that I’m worried about upsetting anyone or getting it wrong.

So, I gave birth 8 nearly 9 weeks ago, full term and very sadly our baby was pronounced stillborn. This has been the darkest time of our lives and we didn’t think we’d survive.

I am yet to have a period and we have been careful around contraception because I had to have my 8 week bloods on Monday and we are obviously hoping for some answers about why we lost our baby. I had a low risk pregnancy and I’m healthy etc. We didn’t go for a post mortem so we were kind of pinning our hopes on the bloods and my placenta which was taken for testing. We expect to hear back in the next 2 weeks.

My question is, does anyone on here know when pregnancy hormones are out of your system and when a pregnancy test would be a very clear negative? Because I have been feeling so tired and so crap but I’ve put it down to too much alcohol just lately and bad diet, because in all honesty we kind of gave up on ourselves and we are only just pulling ourselves out of this hole. I took a pregnancy test earlier to rule it out and I’m horrified that I think I see a line.

My head is not in the right place, I am deep in grief, our counselling doesn’t start until November and I’ve not treated my body right since losing my baby so it’ll be devastating for me to find I’m pregnant and I’ve already not done right by this baby! I can’t go 9 months for this to end with me walking back through the door with empty arms!

Do people see this line?! What should I do? Who should I speak to to confirm? I can not tell anyone about this! It’s too soon! I can’t breath with guilt!!

So sorry for your loss Op, I imagine that is just pregnancy hormones still in your system? Hope you get some answers

No advice but sending love

I am so, so sorry for what’s happened to you and you are a warrior for even getting out of bed.

That tiny line could easily be leftover HCG but it just as easily could be a new pregnancy.

The only way to tell is wait 24-48 hours (or as long as you can) and see if it gets darker.

Either way, please do get some proper counselling. You need to be able to grieve properly, and your feelings of guilt are misplaced but fully understandable.

I wish you well. You didn’t deserve what happened and, although it will always be with you, it won’t forever be so utterly raw.

Op the first thing I would do is stop drinking and start taking folic acid as your body is likely still depleted. If you were careful with contraception then it’s likely that this is just left over hormones, but just in case I would start being mindful about your health.

Leave it a couple of days then take another test to see if the line gets darker.

My daughter was stillborn exactly this time last year and it was the worse time of my life. But…the darkness lifts. It takes time but life will feel better again. I never thought I’d feel joy, hope, laughter, contentment again but these things are coming through for me. Pm me if you like.
Best of luck to you xxx

Thank you for the replies. I just don’t know what to think. I can’t remember the first time we tried having sex very well, I’d had a few glasses of wine because I was so nervous about if it would hurt etc, i had to have stitches after the birth. The weeks after we lost our baby are so hazy.

I’m so sorry that you have been through this too @MyCatDribbles and thank you for what you have said. I feel exactly how you describe and it gives me hope for brighter days. I had a baby girl too, I am devastated without her. X

Im so sorry for what you are going through. There is definitely a line there which is unusual for 9 weeks after the birth. The best way to tell is to speak with the doctors or early pregnancy unit in your area and get bloods done. They can measure the amount of hcg in your blood. Good luck with everything x

I don’t think I can say these words out loud to anyone! I feel totally horrendous, guilty, irresponsible! What people will think! I feel sick at the thought!

At the beginning when I was seeing my bereavement midwife a lot I told her that I was desperate to be pregnant again! I was! The desperation was fierce! She said that it was totally normal to feel how I was feeling at the time. The longing for my pregnancy and baby which I lost in minutes! The way in which my labour happened was truly horrific and very traumatising.

I don’t feel desperate for a baby right now, it’s changed, I feel that I need to get better and grieve. I need time and I need my head to be in the right place! People will think I wanted this and that I’m over the loss of my baby!

Op people will not think you’re over the loss of your baby. When I lost my daughter I started trying again right away, not to replace her, because that was impossible, but just to fill the desperate need in my soul to have a baby. Everyone around me understood. Do not worry what others will think.

@MrsXx4 so sorry to hear about your baby. My dd was born alive but died when she was young, so a bit of a different experience. Please do NOT worry about people judging. I felt/ still feel the same, but unless they’ve been through this they have no idea how it feels. Take as long (or as little) time as you need before ttc again.

I am terrible with squinters and can’t really see a line there but if there is one, I think it will be for a new pregnancy.

You should have the details for the hospital’s bereavement midwife so speak to her/him and you should be able to go in for bloods to confirm (as you are probably too early for a scan).

There are a lot of people who will expect you to be over the loss of your daughter very quickly and will feel that way whether you are pregnant or not, but what they think really doesn't matter.

I'm now a few years on from my own daughter dying as a baby, so I do understand how you feel.

OP, I am so sorry you are going through this. How utterly cruel this world can be!

If it is a new pregnancy, I would try not to beat yourself up about the alcohol and poor diet. The little bundle of cells wouldn’t be using you for nutrition yet so won’t have had any of that anyway.

So sorry 😞

It does look a positive pregnancy test.

I’ve been in bits all morning. I’ve ordered more tests which will arrive at some point today.

I am so so torn! I still have some of my babies bits in the room intended for her, her Moses basket, her blankets! I keep looking at them and feeling that I have totally let her down! Just erasing her! I know I’m not erasing her but I just keep thinking about what she must be thinking! This is so unfair on her! Plus I’ve probably messed up the chance of finding out why I lost her. I’m still waiting for answers. What if it happens again!

The other side is how desperate I want another baby. It took us 9 months to get pregnant, I know I want another baby but I also wanted some much needed time to grieve my baby girl and I needed things to feel better and for me to feel strong enough for what is going to be a highly stressful and anxious pregnancy. I just can’t believe this has happened and I feel irrationally angry at my husband. I’ve not said anything to him about the test, he doesn’t even know I took a test. I know we have both been a mess and not thinking straight but there’s just not an excuse for something like this to happen! We are so completely broken right now!

Oh love! I can only imagine how you’re feeling right now. You have not let your baby girl down at all.

I am late to this but I also lost my baby girl 9 weeks ago at 37 weeks. Like you I was very healthy all pregnancy (had a random diagnosis of GD despite being fit and healthy but was fully diet controlled so no concerns from the doctors). Nervously awaiting autopsy results this Thursday.

I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s the most awful thing to ever have to go through. I’m right there with you! No words can explain how unfair it feels. It’s astounding to me how many others are going through the same thing at the same time as well.

I wanted to reply to you as I noticed you haven’t been to counselling yet and having a lot of the feelings I had before speaking to my therapist. I go weekly and my partner comes with me every fortnight. We’ve both really benefitted from it, it’s ia safe place every week we can go to to unload all of the crazy thoughts and feelings we’ve been having. This is just us but it has been really beneficial. Something helpful she has pointed out to me (and apologies if this isn’t helpful to you but wanted to relay anyway) is that it is entirely possible to grieve and be pregnant again at the same time, 90% of her clients have gotten pregnant quickly after having a stillbirth. She’s also said that while time does help in some ways, the next pregnancy is always going to be anxiety ridden - whether it’s done now or in 5 years that feeling will probably never disappear (lucky us…!). These things she relayed made me feel less alone in my feelings and that it’s pretty normal to feel like I/we do (I’m currently TTC again at the moment - terrified of everything and not even being able to fall pregnant but am desperate to bring a healthy baby into the world like we thought we were doing!)

So if your test is right and you’re pregnant, please don’t feel bad. You are definitely not replacing your daughter at all. Your feelings are all so warranted but she would not think anything but the world of you

It’s hard not to care what other people think when something like this happens, the feelings of anxiety can be so intense. I hope your therapist can provide you some clarity to show you how normal it is to have all of these feelings and that you are not alone x

@JElv2026 I just came on here to give an update and have seen your message. I am so sorry you have gone through this too. It’s 10 weeks for me today. Your pregnancy and circumstances sound similar to me, straightforward pregnancy and I had a few extra growth scans for suspected GD but it never came to anything. I hope you receive some answers on Thursday. It’s just the most awful thing to ever have to experience. I can’t even put into words the feelings I have.

My order of new tests arrived and I did one every day, I still had a very faint line coming up but after about 4 days there was nothing and on Monday my period started, the first I’ve had since giving birth, it’s horrendous and I’m constantly flooding so feel unable to leave the house at the moment.

I feel like this happened for a reason. I was so desperate to be pregnant again but I had come to terms with waiting until counselling had started and to try and feel mentally stronger. I had said previously to my bereavement midwife that I felt if I was pregnant again then I’d be happy again and I’d have something to take my mind off the grief. Well now I know how wrong that line of thinking is for me, and I feel better prepared for what I may face down the line. I didn’t feel blissfully happy when I saw that line, I felt everything she told me to expect to feel, guilt, anxiety, sadness, scared, happy, relieved ….etc! It’s made me realise what the next time will be like and I feel I’ve now got the chance to get my head sorted and work out if I can do this again one day.

I definitely need my counselling to start, it starts in November and I feel ready for it now.

I wish you all the luck with your ttc journey, please feel free to message me if you ever want to chat x