i dont know whats right

[hazygirl]

dd son died last year of cot death as a lot of you know,today dd came up today very stressed to ask for lap top to delate all jaydens site, yet i know she comes here for support,i know things are really hard at moment her eyes look dead,she says its time we got over it,moved on.we have but dont understand what she means , i told her dont expect me to forget him until my dying day i wont ,i cant a piece of us went with him i never believed hurt can feel like this until he went ,ive tried to talk to them about councelling which i recieve but its a no no, we tried to make things easier we sorted everything out when he left us,from coroner ,furneral etc ,this was her choice ,she choose everything we just sorted . i dont know what she means,please can anyone advise ,i promise im not a miserable old cow i live for my family and we have a lot of fun together ,i just dont know wot she wants .

She is hitting out as she is very depressed and is (obviously) still grieving badly. She must feel that the only way to cope with her grief is to hit out at the ones that are ALWAYS their for her. I haven't lost a child like you and your daughter, but my baby was prem and I lost the child I could of had IYSWIM. I can categorically say, that the grief for what was and what could of been nearly drove me insane, and I hit out at anyone who seemed to grieve, or cope better than me. It was as if no one could ever FEEL as much as me. Counselling didn't help me, I just told him what he wanted to hear. Time, will help, but it took ME 5 years. Could you not make an appointment with your dd GP and tell him what yo have told us here?

Hi there, so sorry to hear you are all going through tough times at the present. my ds died 6 years ago , he was 2 years 10 months old and was hit by a car whilst out with me. it all seems a life time ago now,which makes me feel sad as my precious memories are hot as clear but i guess the positive side is it does nt hurt so much and the agony of it all is nt in the front of my mind every waking moment.
i can remember in the first few years how hard it is to live with the weight of it all, and how you just want to be your old self again, so more to grieve for ,not just your little man but the change in yourself.
so my thoughts are your dd is exploring a different way of coping, its so hard as there is no right or wrong way you dowhat you feel is right at the time.
it is a really difficult time right now , the first anniversary and christmas coming up soon too.
do what is right for you, be there and listen to your dd, but she has to move on as she feels she wants to. lots of hugs to you all xxxx

Hi Hazygirl,
I don't really know what to advise. I think this is all a reaction to Jayden's anniversary. How supportive is your dd's health visitor I'm assuming that she knows all about Jayden and is giving extra help to dd following the arrival of your precious granddaughter.
Maybe you could contact the health visitor anyway and have a chat. Sometimes advice needs to come from a third party.

Take care you are doing everything right, it must be so hard trying to help a loved one grieve when your heart is broken too
xxx

Oh I've only just found out that DGD has been poorly. How awful for you all especially because of the dates etc. That really explains your dd's behaviour you are all terified of history repeating .

Definately talk to the health visitor. And you just keep on talking to us and DP.

I so feel for you, I had a really horrid experience recently and could have lost my 8yr old son and very nearly did. The fear is very real and I think you just have to try and find away of fighting through it.

best wishes

my dd health visitor is crap asked for help before jayden died not given advice,coni care have been wonderful and when they came to teach us resusation coni nurse how often they wanted her checked ie weight so asked how often hv could come and send in snotty voice thats between me and your dd as if to say mind your own buiseness .she is so unhelpfulx

my dd health visitor is crap asked for help before jayden died not given advice,coni care have been wonderful and when they came to teach us resusation coni nurse how often they wanted her checked ie weight so asked how often hv could come and send in snotty voice thats between me and your dd as if to say mind your own buiseness .she is so unhelpfulx

You can ask to change your health vistor, especially in your circumstances.

her first hv was lovely but left to have a baby how do go about changing her has anyone ever done this

oh this is so awful for all of you. has she been in contact with sands? im guessing she has, but if not try them. im sure she doesnt want to delete his site, but just to try and move on and she feels if she was to 'erase' the site then her pain would go. please just be there for her, even if its for her to 'lash out' at occassionally (i mean verbally) which im sure you are already. please send her everyone on MN's thoughts. I do remember her and Jayden.

When ds was born I specified the HV I wanted, by saying that I needed thesupport of someone I trusted and understood better.

Mainly because I couldn't say that the HV I was going to be given was a much use a chocolate teapot.

she has delated his site i was at work last nite and she ranbg my youngesr dd and had a go at her over it the site has now been delated. my dp has been to c her this am and he said she looks shocking and baby is drip white and still very bunged up i know this plays a part i just hate to c her so hurt.she wont talk to anyonex

thats so sad. im guessing that all you can do is what you are doing already by continuing to be there for her. wishing you all the best for the coming months, im sure it wont be easy for you all.

p.s. in your original post you said "i dont know what she wants" - dont ask yourself this as she doesnt know what she wants either - apart from one thing which will never happen. stay strong, of course you will always remember him and im sure she wouldnt want ti any other way. xxxx

thanks for your advice

Hazygirl, how is your dd??

hi she says shes fine but told my dp she was so worried about me,that im not the same silly person i used to b and she wants the people we used to b back ,she wants the girls to be enjoyed again , so dp went this weekend and bought a lite up santa and put it up in window ,the girls were overjoyedxxx

hi,

i do hope you all have a lovely christmas, please send her all of mn's love.

Cxxx