Anger - losing my mum

[jmscp]

I lost my mum in may totally unexpectedly in a accident at home, we where shopping with her that afternoon. I turned 30 in July without her.

I am still obviously struggling with the all encompassing grief. But one thing I'm especially struggling with is my anger. Not just at the situation which is far more complicated than I'm willing to put on here. But also just from general day to day life.

See the thing is, me and my mum where each other's ranting partner. Anything and everything. And I've lost that now and I'm so so angry every single day, because my outlet has just gone. I just came to the realisation today that's what it is.

Im going to have to go private to see a counsellor as it can't carry on and I can't wait on a list any longer to see one.

I don't even know why im posting. But I just wanted to write it down somewhere.

Sorry to anybody going through grief, if anybody wants to talk I'm here, I feel like I have nobody that really understands and that's hard too.

for you

I lost my mum just last week and I think I will be in the same boat as you months down the line.

I'm going to do the same about counselling. I don't know why I'm posting either but it definitely helps!

to both of you. My mum died a little over a decade ago and our relationship was similar. In theory I can rant and moan at my DH but it's not the same, of course.

It doesn't go away but it does get better with time, I promise.

I totally get where you're coming from.

I lost mum to cancer 7 years ago. I was so cross with everyone and everything.

In the end I did a combination of counselling (Cruse Bereavement) and I had 6 months of sertraline just to get things in more perspective.

It definitely helped.

Don't be hard on yourself. Losing your mum is totally rubbish. Good Luck.

Anger is totally normal and a stage in the grieving process, counselling or a book about the stages of grief might help you. Unexpected loss is hard to deal with. As the old saying goes time is a great healer. Unmumsnetty hugs to you.

Thank you @MissTheobald
I have been hoping someone would tell me it gets better all week. I nearly even told someone to tell me that!😀
I will take your word for it, thank you.

@EmeraldDaisy

Thank you *@MissTheobald* I have been hoping someone would tell me it gets better all week. I nearly even told someone to tell me that!😀 I will take your word for it, thank you.

and hugs

Oh goodness, I was so angry after my dad died last year. Big teary shouty rages would just wash over me, it literally felt like something rising up out of me that I had little control over. I think rage is a part of grief and many people seem to experience it at some point. Do you have a friend who would be willing to be with you and hear you when you need to rant? Or can you access a counsellor? I'm so sorry for your loss

Emerald I don't know about it getting better but it does get easier to bear. I'm still very very sad but the raw grief and anger seem to have pass d now. I'm sorry for your loss too

Sorry for your loss... it's all tough ime... lost my dad two whole years ago, which is 'supposed' to be enough time to 'get over it'...Grief has made me (more) impatient/intolerant/angrier/less enthusiastic about almost everything... Not saying that I was devoid of those things before - they're just magnified now. Have been told I'm also depressed, as opposed to 'just' sad and angry... Am actually starting CBT-based bereavement counselling this week, in the hope it will help me to chip away at this 'brick' I carry around in my chest.

That probably isn't helpful - except to say, you're not alone - and 'people' tell me it DOES get easier/better & you learn to live with it...

@Frogsonglue

Oh goodness, I was so angry after my dad died last year. Big teary shouty rages would just wash over me, it literally felt like something rising up out of me that I had little control over. I think rage is a part of grief and many people seem to experience it at some point. Do you have a friend who would be willing to be with you and hear you when you need to rant? Or can you access a counsellor? I'm so sorry for your loss

Just read this again... Losing sad was my first 'huge loss' - I'd never even thought/heard of anger during grief (unless it was directed at someone or something causing an 'untimely' death) I had no idea it would be a 'thing' at all - and I struggle to make sense of why... being on here helps, even though it's hard to read the posts sometimes... but if my grief feels as raw after two years (elderly parent - not exactly one of life's big shocks - but a shock to me) then I know I need 'help' apparently... Thanks for sharing...

My dad died at 54. I lost my mum suddenly in a car accident aged 69. Not her fault.
Five years on I'm still bloody furious. Probably not healthy.

Thanks so much for the replies.

Reading these has made me feel less alone.

It's a lonely thing isn't it grief? I suppose because it's so personal and different for everybody.

to you all.

I miss her so much.

I definitely have lots of friends that would be willing to be my sounding board, but it's just not the same. Maybe with time

I’m sorry about your mum. I wondered if you or a partner’s employer has an employee assistance helpline? Often you can see arrange counselling through these.

Losing 'dad' not 'sad' of course... I don't think 'we' talk about grief/death enough - so it all becomes awkward/mysterious/unexpected when we encounter it...

I lost my dad 16 years ago, 3 months after ds2 was born. We knew for 3 days before he died. I was pissed that he hadn't seen a doctor for all his problems. He'd been to a Dr in France and got painkillers and was downing indigestion tablets like they were sweets. I was pissed that I lost my sounding board, I was pissed that ds2 would never know him
I did try counselling but all I ended up doing, was batching about my sister (who was jealous that I watched him die) and my mother who had been absent for 20 years. So that didn't help.
These days, sadly, my cat is my sounding board.
It still annoys me that he stuck his head in the sand but its easier to deal with now, although listening to his favourite music reduces me to tears.

*bitching not batching

I lost my lovely sister five years ago and still feel angry 'why her ??' But I know she wouldn't want me to feel like that, she accepted her diagnosis and said she had had a good life and it was her time to go. My mum is poorly now too again the anger and bitterness I feel at it being her and not someone else's mum is ridiculous. I need to stop it's very hard though.

Me too Op, most of the time I am raging (inside) or crying. So cross that she died before her time, of covid, and that she spent a month in hospital while dying and was denied visitors. The whole thing makes me furious.