OH has died. What happens now? Thoughts.

[earlystreetlight]

Hello my DH died on Sunday night. After a year of cancer. And two weeks of nursing at home. My DC and I were with him. It was as good as it could have been.

A GP came and certified the death. The syringe drive and morphine were picked up. His body has been picked up by the undertakers They are visiting tomorrow to discuss the next steps.

We have a will.

What can you tell me about the next steps? What insights? What do I need to do or watch out for? Think about?

I am exhausted so this will really help. Thank you kind people.

I'm not in the UK so can't offer practical help as things are done a bit differently here, but I just wanted to offer my condolences.

My DH died from cancer in 2016. I'm sending you strength at this difficult time.
All good advice above. Agreed there's no big rush to deal with admin.
I have two children and wondered how old your DS is.
If his school has a counsellor they could support him. Or you may have a local charity which supports bereaved children.
The funeral director we used was very helpful regarding how to plan the service in a child friendly way.
I also had someone take photos of the funeral to make memory books for the children.
My youngest still goes to the book to help him process what happened.
Take care x

I'm sorry that I don't have anything useful to add but I just wanted to say that I am very sorry for your loss.

It may also be useful to look into bereavement counselling especially for the DC.

You sound very level headed but please don't forget to take some time out to grieve yourself inbetween organising everything 💐

I'm so sorry for your loss. My mum died 2 weeks ago so we're a little bit ahead in the process. The funeral director has talked us through everything there. The doctor rang registry office who rang my dad and registered death over phone. He asked for 4 copies of death certificate which arrived in the post. We're in Wales so not sure if that's the process UK wide. District nurse has arranged to have hospital bed collected. Any meds can be taken to a pharmacy for disposal. Tell us once was helpful, you need the death cert first as there is a reference on there you need to enter online for that.
That's the practical stuff we've done so far.
Other than that we're not rushing into anything else. Mum's clothes and belongings can wait. I don't think we'll start to process things until after the funeral.
Huge condolences to you and your family x

I have been through this. Trust your undertaker. A good funeral director will be your friend and someone to lean on. They do not judge and sometimes it is easier to talk to a stranger than it is to family.
Bless you x x

Just to add to the couple of people that have said your car insurance will be fine, ours was not and I’m not the only person I know of that has had problems after a bereavement. I was also in the “joint accounts were frozen” camp too.

Thank you it is so helpful to read this.

Echoing others, I'm so sorry for your loss, there aren't really words that comfort fully I know, but I found some solace in that you are not alone and posting your thoughts and hearing others experiences can be of help.

I can only go on my experience of losing my DW to cancer earlier this year and we have 2 DC - and reading your post, sounds very similar.

I found tackling the formalities in sections, concentrate on doing and closing out a couple at a time, def use the tell us once service, that helps.

It can take some time to work through, but in a way, I found it a bit of practical distraction and helped me, but everyone is different. Also, try not to do too much, I think I did, which was okay in a way but also I look back now and think, it added some stress.

One thing I think looking back is; don't second guess your emotions, it's ok whatever you feel, especially with having DC. It's ok to feel 'ok', it's ok to be upset, cry, frustration, but ultimately, this sounds contrite I know; look after your DC and yourself, that's really what matters, it'll be ok, it will.

I'm sorry for your loss. On a practical level assuming you are under state pension age, make sure you apply for Bereavement support payments.

I was talking to someone today who is in a similar situation to you, OP. She'd used the Call Us Once service which was great except for one thing: her partner had had a Motability car for a few years before he died and she had been using it to to drive him around. Call Us Once informed the DVLA and the insurance and tax on the Motability car were immediately suspended, meaning she could no longer use it (as was probably right and proper). However the person she spoke to at Motabiity was much more relaxed abut the situation and said that if the DVLA hadn't been informed they would have been happy for her to continue using the vehicle for a few weeks while she arranged to buy a replacement car. So right in the middle of trying to arrange a funeral etc, she was lumbered with the stress of purchasing a car and insuring and taxing it.

Might be worth knowing.

I am very sorry for your loss op

www.gov.uk/when-someone-dies

www.goodlifedeathgrief.org.uk/content/after_death/

www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/money-legal/legal-issues/what-to-do-when-someone-dies/

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/death-and-wills/what-to-do-after-a-death/

I forgot to say a lot of companies have a section that deal with only Breavement
So Virgin just google Virgin Breavement help and you can do it all on line
Same for mobile phone company’s
AA & RAC
In fact I would imagine pretty much every company has department to deal with this
I found it so much easier doing stuff online
rather than having to ring each individual company

I kept two piles on the shelf next to my chair at home. One pile for letters and documents I had to deal with, another pile for things I had dealt with. Whenever I felt up to it I just picked something the 'to be dealt with' pile. It was there for months but one day I got to the end of it.

Sorry for your loss. I lost my DH 2 and a half years ago so can understand what you are going through.

Was your DP a member of a trade union? If so, worth contacting them to see if they're is a death benefit - I got a payment of a few hundred pounds from DH's union which went towards the funeral costs. Same with employer if he was still under contract/on long term sick.

Grief Talk is a useful helpline (www.griefencounter.org.uk) which you can call or use webchat if you just want someone to rant to.