My Godfather is seriously ill, I won't get to see him but I am writing him a letter....

[dingdongMegaLegsonhigh]

....but it's soooo hard. He was diagnosed with cancer last week, unsure of origin of it but he has secondary tumours in his liver and pancreas. It is terminal and last week he was told 4 - 5 months but his wife called last night to say he had deteriorated and sadly feels he has just a week or two.

They live in Cumbria, my parents are travelling up today (from West Sussex) to see him. It's practically impossible for me to go so mum suggested writing to him.

It's really hard, I'm trying to keep it 'lighthearted' for want of a better word but so far it's just full of regret that we have lost touch so badly, that he won't see my boys, hear their piano playing (he is a great pianist)it's endless.

Any ideas of the best approach?

I had to write such a letter to my grandfather. It's difficult but helps, iyswim. I've got to go to the dentist now but I'll come back to you later.

Could you do a quick video of you all, saying that you all wanted to say hello and to tell him that you love him/are thinking of him, and that the boys wanted to play a little something on the piano for him?

Try not to dwell on the regret too much - tell him how much he means.how he's influenced your life,the boys piano playing etc. Would it be possible to record the boys playing for him? So sorry,can't think what else to say.

How about something on the lines of so sorry to hear your sad news, I can't imagine what you are going through at moment.
Just wanted to send our wishes of support and love...and perhaps pop in some photos of your dc?

I like the video idea. It's just this awful panicky feeling that he'll be gone before it gets there.

My mum has taken a few photos up today. They only saw him a few weeks ago, he had no idea he was ill then. He had lost weight, had a sore back and was tired but they have horses and sheep and he had been very busy with them so assumed they he had just overdone it.

Do it tonight and send it by special delivery first thing. Or even courier?

The other thing I must remind him of is that for my whole life he has threatened to produce a photograph of me as a toddler at my sister's Christening, sitting on my potty at the back of the church. I have never seen it so that will deffo get a mention!

I have written a draft, just kept paper and pen handy and jotted things down as I remembered them. Also I could even do some video clips of the boys on my mobile and send them to his.

Too be honest,thats probally the best way - jotting down thoughts i mean, rather than a more formal letter. And as he has a mobile thats even better for the video,photos etc.

I feel very sad for my poor mum, she was an only child and she spent every school holiday with him and his brother (they are mum's first cousins), she says they were more like brothers to her.

Also he will be the first person from that generation of the family to die (he's 65) and that is hard on her too.

Oh dingdong So sorry. A letter is very hard because it crystallises everything and there are some things that are so hard to write. My godmother, the loveliest women you could ever meet, is in the last stages of MS...over the years she has tried so many things to make her better but now it's near the end. She can't reply to letters or e-mails and her DH won't/can't face replying so mum and I are sending our love into a void . She lives in South Africa and there is now way I will ever see her again. It hurts so much doesn't it?

Write from the heart with honesty, warmth and humour. Try not to refer to death or goodbyes. Share memories, especially happy and funny ones and talk of what you're doing now and in the future. Expect that you'll see each other again... after all, who knows? So sorry for you; this is dreadfully hard but you'll feel better once you start writing. xx

Maybe the children could draw him some pictures?

So sorry to hear this.

I have done it, it's actually quite a lighthearted letter considering the circumstances, but he loves to laugh and we share a similar, if slightly skewed sense of humour.

Mum has just arrived there and will phone later with news and his mobile number so I can send the clips of the kids playing piano.

Now we just wait I guess.

He's gone. The lovely man died this morning at 6am.

so sorry Megalegs

It's been so quick. He was at home with his wife and grown up children. Very peaceful.

that's the best place to go, at home, with family.

So,so sorry megalegs.As belgo said at least it was with his loved ones. Thinking of you - i lost my beloved grandmother just before christmas so i know how very hard it is at this time of year with everyone full of christmas cheer etc. Try and take time for yourself.

I think so. Some of the family were trying to persuade him to go into a hospice but both he and his wife wanted to be at home. It was the right decision.

It's our wedding aniversary today too, so a happy day as well as sad.

numpty, it's a hard time of year to lose a loved one. It's going to be a struggle getting through DS1's nativity this afternoon. Mum was writing Christmas cards last night and said they all seemed so inappropriate some how. I posted mine to him yesterday, and to his son and daughter saying how we were sorry to hear he was ill and that we were thinking of them.

.

It is always sad when someone dies but it is worse at this time of year.

so sorry to hear about your godfather dingdong - I know you've posted on my thread too.

I know what you mean about a happy as well as sad day.