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Bereavement

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Somewhere safe to say things I cannot say easily in real life

4 replies

ChateauMargaux · 07/09/2021 11:52

My mother is dying and want to say, this is not a good death, please just let her go.

Her life was difficult, religion was not kind to her, she was abused by a priest, she was abused by her brother and it was hushed up, she lived in fear of judgement, she hated the hypocrisy of religion. She used to repeat that people who suffered in this life would be rewarded in the next but she is terrified that she will be judged badly and 'found wanting'.

I don't want to be at a funeral that says this woman had a good life and she is with God now. I know that I should take my children to the funeral when then time comes, but I don't want to. I don't even want to go myself.

On another plane of my life, my 17 year old son has a group of friends and in their group, two of their fathers' have died in the last two years and two fathers' are terminally ill with cancer. I want to shout... WE ARE NOT IN THE DEAD FATHERS CLUB and despite the fact that these women are my friends and they are suffering and most of me wants to do everything I can to help them, I find it difficult. I cannot pray that they get better, because the evidence is against that happening, I hate when other people around them say, I hope that he gets better. As far as I can see, based on what they have told me, they are both living with an hour glass in front of them and no one knows whether they will make it Christmas but they the likelihood of recovery is remote if not, non existent. Three of these women also have other siblings or sisters in law who have also died recently. THIS IS ALL SO SHIT AND SO UNFAIR.

I do not want my son to watch his friends suffer and to live life thinking his parents might be dead at any moment. I don't want these beautiful boys to suffer the loss of their parents either.... there are times that is it all too much to bear, and I am not the one who's husband is dead or will die imminently.

OP posts:
SenoritaGrey · 08/09/2021 21:26

💔

buckeejit · 09/09/2021 07:04

Please vent away. I'm sorry for what you are going through, that is very tough. Have you any siblings to support you & will you have any say over the funeral arrangements or do you know what your dm wants?

Only you can decide what is best about going to the funeral. For now just take it day by day. My dm is terminally ill & today is 3 months since she was given maybe 3 months to live. It's so hard to watch someone you live deteriorate. Wishing you strength to get through these hard times

ChateauMargaux · 12/09/2021 18:23

My daughter has 'kept away from me' this past week and today she broke down. She can't speak her sorrow but we hugged and talked about how Granny is loved but it is hard. Part of me wants to ask her if she wants to travel to Ireland from our home in France to see her but I don't know if it's the right thing to do.. I don't think her brothers wouldn't want to miss school to travel... I think seeing her looking already dead in hospital would traumatise her but I think saying goodbye is an important part of the separation process. We sang for her today and said she would feel our love. Will she regret that she didn't get to see her before she died.... but she hasn't died yet so she might live on ..

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ChateauMargaux · 12/09/2021 18:24

Too many 'she's there my mum and my daughter ..

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