Terminal illness few weeks left

[Lovelouise6778]

Hi Everyone,
My mum is terminally sick with kidney failure. She only has a few weeks left.
How do I make the time I have left count? What should I do? How to make a memory box?
I have 2 kids who are under 3

How awful for you I’m so sorry
Firstly please make sure that your mum and yourself if you are caring for her have claimed every benefit that you are entitled too. Talking about money may be the last thing on your mind but dealing with it can free up time and energy for other things.
Depending on your mums condition there will be specialist nurses and organisations that can provide support to you all, ask your GP if you’re not sure but most services have good websites.
For memory boxes does your mum feel able to write letters? That might be something to think about. Or photos from special events, maybe some jewellery or personal items for your dc as they grow.
Making the most of your time will mean different things to different people. You don’t need to go on days out or anything like that if she’s not up to it. Maybe discuss a bucket list type thing of activities she’d like to do?
If it’s not too difficult I’d also try and talk about what your mum wants to happen after she’s died if she’s not already made those arrangements. Again can be a horrible conversation but can be nice knowing it’s taken care of.
Lastly I’d make sure that you have support in real life and that your mum also has someone she can talk to. She may not want to worry or upset you and may need to vent to someone not so close to her.
Again I’m so sorry you’re going through this, be kind to yourself and take each day as it comes

Can you record her voice?

. It's a very tough time.

When my mum was at the end of her life with advanced dementia she would still sing to us, I recorded it and still listen to it now.( YNWA) 💕💕
Spent as much time with her as you can.
Tell her you love her
Take care of yourself.

So sorry to hear this. I had the same scenario with my dad last year. Is your mum receiving hospice care? All I can advise is take each day as it comes. Tell your mum everything you want her to know. How loved she is. Thank her for all she's done for you and your family. And be kind to yourself as it will be a very emotional time. Sending you strength and love.

Making a memory box can wait until afterwards. Doing that will be a comfort some time in the future, but not now. We can't build a fortress against bereavement; the time to grieve comes later.

Don't spend today trying to imagine the future without her. That will unfold later. Stay in the moment for this precious time with her.

Right now,  all that matters is your Mum. She  is still herself , and still in charge like always,  so go along with whatever she needs.  If she wants to go over  family photo albums,  laugh till sides ache,  and eat  icecream at 2 am,   let her.  If she  wants to  pour out her heart and cry for past regrets, listen and  hold her. If she wants to be alone , give her some space.  Sometimes people who know they are close to death,  withdraw into themselves and quietly turn  away from the world.   IF  she chooses that, please let her.  Just listen, and accept. 

     You're both on the home stretch now.   Slow and easy does it.

Thankyou everyone
I'm crying already- not in front of her of course but when I'm on my way to work, just before I go sleep or anytime when my mind goes blank. Shes only 53 and I'm 25. Guess noone ever feels ready to lose a parent

@Lovelouise6778 do you have to be at work just now? You would definitely be able to get a line from your GP given the circumstances. I appreciate that not everyone can afford to take sick leave but please don’t think you’re not entitled to it because you are

Bless you OP, this is so tough and unfair, I really feel for you. Make recordings of her voice, even better if she can say anything about her stories… times when she was little… or stories about the older generations of her aunts/uncles/grandma etc (as long as this is a comfort to her). I dearly wish I had asked and recorded my dad talking about his family and his ‘stories’. Be kind to yourself OP, we’re all here any time you need to talk. 💐💐

Thinking of you Op, it's so tough. I'm in the same boat-my dm has a brain tumour & has deteriorated rapidly in the last couple of weeks.

I was able to take photos with the grandchildren shortly after diagnosis. Dm doesn't look herself anymore & isn't chatting so much, although having a recording would have been good.

If you can bring yourself to ask her if there's any notes she'd like to write or have written to anyone, make a playlist for her & if she has impaired mobility, rub hand cream/foot cream onto her & bring nice food. I really wanted my mum to have some sort of bucket list but she just wanted to enjoy her normal life & do what she always did as much as possible.

Stories from her life would be great to record. Thinking of you at this tough time